Today ma'm was pretty upset as the new moms were not following what she has been telling them for so long.It is sad , as a little firmness in tone does make all the difference in the child's attitude.We learn to pamper our kids so much fearing that they already have a deficiency , so we must not hurt them more.It is true that this attitude really handicaps the child.That firm tone and the sharp tone, the expressions in my voice has made my girl very expressive and has learnt to react accordingly.The child should with the tone and expression and intonation know the meaning and feel of the topic.Slowly he\she learns to understand the words that fill the sentence.
Ma'm by being does never mean hit the child or punish him.It is to show the disapproval.Chlidren react to mom's expressions the most, they want to always please her.It takes a while to get that message across to the child that he has to listen , but once it goes through , the child gets into that mind frame of learning.As a mom I too hated initially to correct the POOR child, hurt her, not to cajole her all the the time, but now I am realising the its benefits. My girl reacts to everything faster and does have a right frame of mind to learn.She realises the importance of my corrections.It takes , to my experience about 1 yr for the child to get the message that mom means business and she follows just about any instruction that I give her.Every body in my family says that she only listens to me , but has anybody made that effort for her to listen to them?It was very difficult for them to be firm.I am her mom, imagine how tough it must have been for me.But today I am happy.I thank my mom for this .She too was a tough mom and so it made me a good and strong person.I got the right values.I love my girl immensely and being firm and a disciplinarian does not make me love her any less.Today because of my strict nature she has reached ahead when she can integrate into normal atmosphere.Because I love her , I am strict with her.A strict teacher in school has the best results from her students.So go ahead if you love your child for his\her sake be firm and ask for results.Push her to perform and never be satisfied with anything less.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
A new lesson
Last week I tried a new concept of ' WHY '.It is very difficult to make a 3 yr old this concept.It is not something you can touch or feel.After a long thought , I tried asking her questions relating to her.Eg..Why do you want food?[when she asked me for it].She started to think and said..I don't know.I gave her the answer....Because I am hungry.Of course I wanted a full sentence each time.The same I tried with sleep, thirst,going to park etc, things she can relate too.It is also important that one uses it at the right time ,that is, at a time when she wants that particular thing, so that explaining is easy.I also use a lot of negative cross questioning.eg
You want to go to the park because you want to sleep?
she says at once...noooooo, because I want to go to the swing.
It works with most questions.A small child like that needs a lot of explaining but soon learns to understand the concept.
You want to go to the park because you want to sleep?
she says at once...noooooo, because I want to go to the swing.
It works with most questions.A small child like that needs a lot of explaining but soon learns to understand the concept.
Monday, November 19, 2007
a new language
Last few days I am noticing that my girl is picking up a lot new hindi words.She realises that we do between ourselves speak a different language.She tries to understand it and act accordingly.Thanks to her training with ma'm, she is able to understand what is happening with our expressions, intonations and voices.The other day water fell down on her dress and she ran to me and said-'pani fell down.' It was so funny and I was left with my mouth open.She does use- hatto, arre,pheko.It is quite a relief to see her picking up new words.These days I am not doing too much talking and I see her regress.At times I do feel tired and don't feel like doing the whole process of correction.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Counseling
When a mom discovers a child with deafness [ for that matter any handicap], It is one of the toughest part in her life.To accept that her beloved child has a flaw ,is very difficult for her and at that time she needs someone to see her through.Counselling her through that phase so that the child gets the best help possible is important.In India it is still not so .There is hardly any counselling done.I feel it affects the child a lot.Till the time I was weak and sad and depressed, my girl really was ignored and left out.Luckily I came out pretty quickly to look for help.Once the mom is strong the family around too sits up to see the gravity of the situation.All help and information starts to come in.
If the councillor empathises with the parents and can answer all their questions life does become easy to decide the plan of action.There is hardly any advise that is given.In fact lot of people have got wrong advise that benefits the seller of aids.It is years before they realize what harm has been done.Some mothers are strong enough but I have seen a lot of family break ups as the majority of the responsibility of the child lands up with the mom and some fathers think it was her fault that such a child is born.People follow the audiologist blindly and not all of them can be trusted.
A good counsellor will make sure that all adequate answers are found out for the problems that the family faces.
Advice is needed for ....
-Acceptance of the child with the disability.
-helping the mom and family to cope with it.
-Helping them to realize that the world has not ended and life has to be faced to help the child.
-sometimes financial burden is difficult to deal with.
-Child's need are primary and so his/her all round capability has to be looked after and nurtured.
-a better understanding between parents and child .
-Helping the child to learn to deal with it.If parents are ashamed of the child , the child will never be able to deal with it.
-building up child's confidence to help in dealing with the disability.
-Ways of dealing with the society and questions raised by them.
-helping the family to deal with day to day problems relating to child.
-Dealing with psychological and emotional breakdowns.
These are some of the common points where if proper advice is given , it would help the family to come around and provide a wholesome environment for the child to grow into a confident and able human being.
If the councillor empathises with the parents and can answer all their questions life does become easy to decide the plan of action.There is hardly any advise that is given.In fact lot of people have got wrong advise that benefits the seller of aids.It is years before they realize what harm has been done.Some mothers are strong enough but I have seen a lot of family break ups as the majority of the responsibility of the child lands up with the mom and some fathers think it was her fault that such a child is born.People follow the audiologist blindly and not all of them can be trusted.
A good counsellor will make sure that all adequate answers are found out for the problems that the family faces.
Advice is needed for ....
-Acceptance of the child with the disability.
-helping the mom and family to cope with it.
-Helping them to realize that the world has not ended and life has to be faced to help the child.
-sometimes financial burden is difficult to deal with.
-Child's need are primary and so his/her all round capability has to be looked after and nurtured.
-a better understanding between parents and child .
-Helping the child to learn to deal with it.If parents are ashamed of the child , the child will never be able to deal with it.
-building up child's confidence to help in dealing with the disability.
-Ways of dealing with the society and questions raised by them.
-helping the family to deal with day to day problems relating to child.
-Dealing with psychological and emotional breakdowns.
These are some of the common points where if proper advice is given , it would help the family to come around and provide a wholesome environment for the child to grow into a confident and able human being.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
A touch of stardom
This 27th Oct was very exciting for me.I got a call from a women's magazine as they liked the article I sent to them about my journey with my daughter.They did a photoshoot at my place.I was so overwhelmed.I rushed to put my wordrobe ready according to what they wanted.They were 8 of them- a makeup artist, a hairdresser, photographer and the local edition editor and others.I felt like a star as they put the make up and clothes and hair for shoot.Both of us posed around and it was quite an experience.I looked so different.It was like being myself 15 yrs back when dressing up was a second nature to me.After marriage and kids I had lost myself somewhere and last 3 years specially had taken a toll on me.I really hope I am able to at least reach out to some people and help out.Thanks to my little girl I am learning to come around and I have a purpose.
I had gone for her school PTA and the teachers complimented me on the job I was doing.She was nervous when she realised a deaf child was in her class.But she feels she has no problem with her and she answers everything and does not feel there is any problem. The 3 years that I put in have made her integration in school easy.
I had gone for her school PTA and the teachers complimented me on the job I was doing.She was nervous when she realised a deaf child was in her class.But she feels she has no problem with her and she answers everything and does not feel there is any problem. The 3 years that I put in have made her integration in school easy.
Monday, October 29, 2007
music
I am so HAPPY.Last 2 months I have been practicing various intonation patterns to help my lil girl to sing.Hearing impaired people rarely develop singing voices and I really have been doing and experimenting to get her to sing.I finally recorded such sweet sounding notes from her.I am sooooo excited.It proves , early intervention does help in getting the child to LISTEN AND SPEAK.They are easier to integrate into normal life.She just about copies any tune that I sing.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Importance of speech therapy
Speech therapy is, I think , the most important part of getting a deaf child to lead a normal life.In the past two and half years of my dealing with this disability, I have come across many hearing impaired children who have been undergoing various training to help them to communicate.But why is it that very few children are able to lead normal lives?In my city, I have yet to come across any child who is going to various institutions for speech therapy actually talking.Their understanding of language and then speech has not been worked upon.Some children are later switching to cochlear implant as advised by the audiologist as speech has not developed.The reason being, appropriate speech therapy is not given.There is no good therapist who is capable of developing it.The parents out of desperation think that maybe implant would help and so get it done.Only later do they realise the complications of it and still no speech as therapy is still not good.
The question arises-why is speech therepy important?
The reason being that a lot of time has gone by from birth without the child hearing.The child has missed out a lot of sounds around him in those many months and years.He learns to adjust in that soundless world.He has to be taught to pay attention to sound.For him it is a botheration and unnecessary distraction after the aids are put.he has missed all the sounds that make meaning to action around.When the child is born , for the 1st 4 months or so he just lies down and looks and listens to the booming , bustling and buzzing world.He lies and listens to..Oh that bang, Oh that is the bell ringing and mom is opening the door.That is dad asking for tea, the sound of phone, something fell down.He is just lying down and listens and making sense of it with the speech he hears along with the action around.A normal child learns language with that.A deaf child has missed all the sounds and the related speech happening around him.He learns to be visual.So to make up for all that and to give meaning to each sound and action he has missed , speech therepy is necessary.
Another simpler way to explain would be this.We have perfect hearing and we also speak well.So why do we not pick up a lingo if we go to a foreign land?I need to take classes and that too many in french,arabic,tamil, bengali etc.Just by hearing alone I can never get the meaning .I need to be explained each word.Language is a sequence of sound symbols .And when they are in a particular sequence I understand it.Each sentence has to have a meaning.So it is the same in speech therepy.Every action, word,sound has to be given meaning that the child has missed out.Also as a normal person inspite of hearing and speaking needs practice to speak the new language, needs to constantly remember new words that have been taught to him and needs to remember the order in which he needs to make sentence, so it is for the child who is hearing impaired.And since the child has not used his muscles of the mouth and throat for so long his muscles there are lax and he needs to constantly be told to keep mouth closed and keep his tongue in the resting position between the teeth so that he can speak.Any language to speak needs certain parameters to speak.There has to be some tension in the muscle to give correct speech and all this and more is the responsibility of speech therapist to explain.We normal people take all this for granted.
The deaf child too needs to constanty practice the newly aquired skill of speech.You need a LOT of patience for this.Also early detection helps the child to develop speech and languge understanding better and faster.He has not developed any bad habits, not gone under wrong speech therepy, not too visual and is easier to integrate into the normal life. I also feel that any aids will do as long as GOOD SPEECH THEREPY is given.
I have been lucky to find my speech therapist.She is trained in AUDITORY VERBAL THERAPY [AVT] as it is called.I think she is the only one in my city to do so and get all her children to speak.I thank God every day for her presence in my life
The question arises-why is speech therepy important?
The reason being that a lot of time has gone by from birth without the child hearing.The child has missed out a lot of sounds around him in those many months and years.He learns to adjust in that soundless world.He has to be taught to pay attention to sound.For him it is a botheration and unnecessary distraction after the aids are put.he has missed all the sounds that make meaning to action around.When the child is born , for the 1st 4 months or so he just lies down and looks and listens to the booming , bustling and buzzing world.He lies and listens to..Oh that bang, Oh that is the bell ringing and mom is opening the door.That is dad asking for tea, the sound of phone, something fell down.He is just lying down and listens and making sense of it with the speech he hears along with the action around.A normal child learns language with that.A deaf child has missed all the sounds and the related speech happening around him.He learns to be visual.So to make up for all that and to give meaning to each sound and action he has missed , speech therepy is necessary.
Another simpler way to explain would be this.We have perfect hearing and we also speak well.So why do we not pick up a lingo if we go to a foreign land?I need to take classes and that too many in french,arabic,tamil, bengali etc.Just by hearing alone I can never get the meaning .I need to be explained each word.Language is a sequence of sound symbols .And when they are in a particular sequence I understand it.Each sentence has to have a meaning.So it is the same in speech therepy.Every action, word,sound has to be given meaning that the child has missed out.Also as a normal person inspite of hearing and speaking needs practice to speak the new language, needs to constantly remember new words that have been taught to him and needs to remember the order in which he needs to make sentence, so it is for the child who is hearing impaired.And since the child has not used his muscles of the mouth and throat for so long his muscles there are lax and he needs to constantly be told to keep mouth closed and keep his tongue in the resting position between the teeth so that he can speak.Any language to speak needs certain parameters to speak.There has to be some tension in the muscle to give correct speech and all this and more is the responsibility of speech therapist to explain.We normal people take all this for granted.
The deaf child too needs to constanty practice the newly aquired skill of speech.You need a LOT of patience for this.Also early detection helps the child to develop speech and languge understanding better and faster.He has not developed any bad habits, not gone under wrong speech therepy, not too visual and is easier to integrate into the normal life. I also feel that any aids will do as long as GOOD SPEECH THEREPY is given.
I have been lucky to find my speech therapist.She is trained in AUDITORY VERBAL THERAPY [AVT] as it is called.I think she is the only one in my city to do so and get all her children to speak.I thank God every day for her presence in my life
Thursday, October 18, 2007
stages of mothers' mental state
I have realized over these 2 years that when one detects a child with impairment not only in deafness but also in any form of disability, the mother goes through very typical stages.I too have gone through it and see all the mothers go through it, as it is the mom who has actually gone through the pains of giving birth and is closest to the child.She spends the maximum time with them.
1. The moment one realizes the deformity or the disabilty, the first reaction is of shock.It takes a long while to realize it is actually happening.There is a lot of crying and trying to realize the reality.
2. The mom starts to get into a denial mode where she refuses to believe it is actually true.She fails to accept that the apple of her eye is having a problem.
3.Self blame follows where she feels she did something wrong, or she did not pray enough , or that she was not careful enough or all sorts of reasons where she blames herself.'Why me' is another very comman question she asks herself.
4.Jealousy is another very big part.One starts to envy anybody who is normal.You start to detest the world.One isolates from everything around and is only into self pity.
5.There are many moms who have contemplated suicide after wanting to kill the child.Basically wanting to escape the situation.
6.Many blame the child as it has got her into the situation and do neglect the child.
7.There is alot of unrest on the homefront too.The father too has his mental state to look after.
8.Financial situation also plays a big part in this whole situation.With cost of living going up any disability does bring with it a bit of financial drain.Doctors have to be consulted, tests have to be performed,remedial action is to be taken.All this and more does take a toll on parents' mental condition.sometimes families do break up in such tough times.
These according to me are more comman.There could be more and will keep posting as they come up.In such times it is very important that the family is together.A lot of support from near and dear ones can help the family to cope with it and give a good future to the child.When families break up it is the child who suffers more and I feel as a mom, it our duty that since we get the child in this world ,we owe him the best possible treatment.Do not be ashamed of the child .It is no one's fault.The child should be looked after so that he does not suffer from the 2 disabilities- one he is born with and the other that we give by not supporting him\her.
1. The moment one realizes the deformity or the disabilty, the first reaction is of shock.It takes a long while to realize it is actually happening.There is a lot of crying and trying to realize the reality.
2. The mom starts to get into a denial mode where she refuses to believe it is actually true.She fails to accept that the apple of her eye is having a problem.
3.Self blame follows where she feels she did something wrong, or she did not pray enough , or that she was not careful enough or all sorts of reasons where she blames herself.'Why me' is another very comman question she asks herself.
4.Jealousy is another very big part.One starts to envy anybody who is normal.You start to detest the world.One isolates from everything around and is only into self pity.
5.There are many moms who have contemplated suicide after wanting to kill the child.Basically wanting to escape the situation.
6.Many blame the child as it has got her into the situation and do neglect the child.
7.There is alot of unrest on the homefront too.The father too has his mental state to look after.
8.Financial situation also plays a big part in this whole situation.With cost of living going up any disability does bring with it a bit of financial drain.Doctors have to be consulted, tests have to be performed,remedial action is to be taken.All this and more does take a toll on parents' mental condition.sometimes families do break up in such tough times.
These according to me are more comman.There could be more and will keep posting as they come up.In such times it is very important that the family is together.A lot of support from near and dear ones can help the family to cope with it and give a good future to the child.When families break up it is the child who suffers more and I feel as a mom, it our duty that since we get the child in this world ,we owe him the best possible treatment.Do not be ashamed of the child .It is no one's fault.The child should be looked after so that he does not suffer from the 2 disabilities- one he is born with and the other that we give by not supporting him\her.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A visit to an institution
Today on a friends request I visited a famous government institute who does cochlear implant.My friend needed to test a new hearing aid as her implanted child is still not able to hear with the implant.The audiologist cum dealer showed the aid which was lesser known and seemed not too competent.What pained me the state of cochlear implanted children who were taking speech therapy there.The therapy was so bad and the therapist was giving visual clues to the child.He did look a bit uncomfortable when he saw the way I spoke to my girl, I must admit.With the state of the art gadgetry on the child's head were they not supposed to get the best quality sound and speak?Why were they not still able to speak?What was lacking?They say implant is the answer.My audiologist had proposed it a number of times.I concluded that it is not the aid but the speech therapy that provided speech to the child.When the 2 mothers heard my girl speak they looked amazed, they looked longingly at my girl.I was so tempted to correct the therapist and advise the mother but couuld not as They were bound by protocol as they came from a lower background and I could not due to the institution.Why can't we invest in better speech therapist .Is the number of implants you do more important as that they give you the experience, but please not at the cost of these innocent children and their vulnerable parents.Cochlear implant works, but only when done properly and still GOOD speech therapy has to be given.I was lucky I found Alaka teacher.I wish she could teach all or we have more like her.
People are indifferent
I met a principal of a school y'day who had a hearing impaired child in her school.She had come for help in ma'm's class.The stories she told us were sad.The child was 7 yrs old and could not speak and understand anything.The remidial teacher had no idea what and how to teach her.The mother had a son recently and so she has out of frustration left the child a bit neglected.The girl is bright and wanting to learn but her speech therapist is not good, hearing aids are not looked after, sometimes she is in school with or without aids, weak batteries and nowhere was there any hope.The principal is helpless.We felt miserable.3 in 1000 children are deaf, dont we need to do something?They called the leading audiologist who after observing her in a class said she needed to learn sign language.Sign language , for God's sake ,is slowly fading out with better hearind aids and awareness.And if the child is going to be in a normal school are the teachers ,principal,maids,parents and friends going to learn it too if we are talking of 'integrating 'the child in a normal atmosphere?Where is the world going.With so much progress are we still living in ancient ages as far as deafness is concerned?Why can't we as society take it as a challenge to give that basic need of speech and language to each child?Do we need to make our fortune from their misfortune ?I wish there were answers to each of their prayers.
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