Difficult 2.5 years

      

My happy satisfied "never give up" teen

     Its been a hard 2.5 years at the school in Jakarta. It was an Indian International school that my husband thought would be good. Hence when we moved from Germany to this school,we thought it would be a good change as we needed Prisha to have a structured approach in studies. The 5 years of IB in Germany had gaps with abstract understanding and we thought text books would be a great support. Hence the choice.

    Well it was a huge mistake and blunder just as I had dreaded. Initially all was going well. Then within a month she was bullied for coming from Germany and being "German".....she tried so hard to fit in but the class teacher and a few students ganged up against her and harrased Prisha the whole year. The teacher was trash and somewhere end of that year, we fought against it and got support. Next year seemed promising and had a good class teacher who was supportive. Yet the students refused to accept her and the struggle continued. I hated to see no support and she eating lunch each day by herself. To keep her company, we decided to be on what's app so that she did not feel alone. The kids can be so hurtful and sadly except a couple of teachers , there was no support. They too after a while were targeted perhaps and they too started to leave Prisha alone. The study preassure was killing my child. I too hurt inside and we both slipped into depression. Difficult place, lack of support, study pressure, traffic situation, language issues and no outings ....just was too much to take. She really fought it bravely and at times she lost control and at times she stood up. As a mum I could only counsel her and see ourselves being isolated and hurting all the time. Talking to her endlessly and trying to see her through was taking a toll on my health as well.

     The 3rd year was garde 8 and I dreaded it as much she did. Fortunately she made friends with a German lady and her daughter and they took her under her wing. Feeding the cats each evening, playing around and talking a lot to each other was the only silver lining in her dark clouds. Veronica and Aleyna brough a lot of beautiful moments in her life that shall be cherished for life. They sadly had to leave and she was left alone again.
    meanwhile at school, he talked of giving up with stress, had pimples all over her face and hormones were raging with anger. At times I found it hard to keep counselling but can I give up? No....what the school should have provided, I was doing that. We were like lone fighters with attack from all sides. Grade 8 saw her more isolated and non of the teachers knew she had hearing issues!!! They left her alone as she seemed quiet and never came up to ask what was her reason to be so isolated and sad. I fought back and yet somewhere I knew its not going to help. THE SCHOOL DOESN"T CARE!!! No counselors, no one who would carry out their promises or help support a child struggling alone......I knew its only going to kill my child and I could not take it anymore. I had taken to writing quotes and poems to vent out my sadness and hurt from all fronts of my life. It helped at times and at times no amount of tears and worry could help. Support from few hands who wiped my tears and heard me out each moment of my sadness holding me through my depression, really was a saving grace.

    Summer of 2017 was a wake up call when Prisha started to talk about giving up on life and value of life. She said she hated life at 13! She said things that made me panic and the whole summer between tears and hugs and under our 4 eyes....we survived many difficult moments. I was paranoid and never left her alone, her questions and statments made me cold, at times I broke into sweat and at times breathless. I even asked for a counselor but our local GP said....you are her best counselor and no one can do what I could, specially in Indonesia. Under all the smiles and happy writing....was a sea of tears and raw and hurtful emotions. My fear of losing my child was killing me. That is when I just knew I needed to do something...but what? 

    It was somwhere in October I knew we are up against a wall and I put my foot down and decided we need to move school. The school had brough her entire confidence down. No amount of drawing, doodling, music lessons, talking and support from friends here was helping us. I feared each day as she returned home with 10 Kg of backpack and tons on her hurt mind and soul. Deafness was forgotten and so were those challenges. The unempathic atmosphere in school, the noise and rashness had affected her health so much that she started to get weak and dizzy most times. Her headaches were so intense that I was afraid she may have a break down, pressure of submissions, etc got her sleepless nights. It lead to low BP and low Haemoglobin and she kept feeling she was going to pass out.  The local GP too saw how much we were suffering and said my decision to move school would be the best idea. It was a huge decision for us. I knew that once we pull out, we would not be admitted back as they would be happy to have a troublesome child out. Her needs to be accepted were too huge for them. They avoided talking to me as they knew I would be complaining or asking for answers. Its sad that such an old school, perhaps one of the oldest here could not take care of one child who just had one need.....be accepted and be supported. Were we asking too much? We asked for no special needs, no special aids....she coped up with all the work....all that she needed was less noise in class, friends and someone to turn to when she needed help. Yet......When I left school, they were pretty happy I guess. No one said I should stay back, nor reasons why I was moving her mid term nor were they concerned. Such an old reputed institution could not support the basic need to be integrated, We asked for no help except less noise and acceptance. That was a bit too much. 

      At this juncture a friend suggested NJIS. An advanced placement school with few kids per classroom and with global teachers. Skeptical and exhausted I decided to take a step into the school and go without expectations. I didn't know that, that one day of a very depressed and helpless mum shall perhaps be life changing. I shall write about it in my next post. It only brings a smile after moist eyes from typing out this post. Emotional, hurtful and tough 2.5 years ended on 25Th Nov'2017.

Another visit to a deaf school

Teachers who got motivated

Interaction of the kids

The deaf kids who touched me

My lecture which earned me some great audiences

Motivated youngsters who promise to make a difference.

     My mother is a volunteer to a few agencies which work for social causes. One that came her way was a deaf school. After Prisha's birth there were days she cried for hours and refused to go again to the school . Not her fault, 3 grand daughters with different disabilities, dealing with the emotions was so tough. As Prisha grew and she saw her speaking, hope that all would be normal, got her on track. She told the school about how we manged to get Prisha oral, interested the school and they asked me to come and talk about what we do. I had been postponing it due to my own inability to be there as I now moved here. This visit to India , I promised myself that I would definitely visit them.
    As the school was closing for Christmas, I wasn't expecting any kids at school. But I took Prisha with me and walked in. The principal showed little interest. My mother's friend is a volunteer and he was very keen for some changes at school. He was very motivated looking at Prisha and was keen that we could motivate to make some changes at school. He had given me a dismal picture of school and looking at the school authorities, I was really thinking that I made a mistake perhaps as they showed no interest. Saying is one thing, doing is another.
    I walked around the school and talked to the teacher who was showing us around. When she heard our journey, she was fascinated suddenly suggested that in the absence of kids, I should speak with the teachers. The teachers entered very lazily and I really had no expectations.Soon I started my talk about our journey and I saw a change in them. They seemed interested and soon I had them involved in my lecture and they wanted me to come again the next day to talk to a wider audiences. They clapped and suddenly very motivated to work with the deaf kids.
     The next day we got ready and  prepared Prisha to say a Sanskrit prayer and an English song to show the 3-400 people I was going to address. Soon Xmas celebrations started. There were 80 kids of grade 8 with 4 teachers from a normal school who had come in to interact with the signing kids. It was eerie to see the deaf kids dancing to silence, practiced moves through visual learning. The other kids put music and danced with them too. The kids signed and there were those difficult moments we all faced when we saw how difficult it was for normal kids to understand what these deaf kids were trying to communicate. I watched silently, wishing in my mind that these kids talk to if they were given the right advise. I came across a few desperate parents who were told about my daughter talking. they came looking for solutions and magic tricks that could help their kids to talk to. So many mal-practices and so many wrong advises by specialists spoilt the life of these families. They looked longingly at us. Something in my heart snapped too.I gave them all the inputs I could give and also the name of our blog and you tube. The teachers were waiting to hear me again and looked after me like a celebrity.
       After the interaction of the kids, I was asked to come on stage and talk.I said to the audiences that they saw one world where they feel that the deaf are mute too, but now was going to make them aware of another fact....deaf can talk too. There was silence. I asked Prisha to come and sing the verse and then her English song. After her song, there was utter silence and what followed was loud clapping. I then talked about how deaf can talk, our journey and how we blog to make a small difference specially in India where so much wrong is happening. I needed support to spread the message that we need to seek correct solutions and needed to question the specialists to get the right help what we deserve. The lecture ended with a standing ovation and thunderous clapping and the teachers and students promised to spread our message. That day I earned many supporters and admirers. Very humbling it was. The chief volunteer announced 3 prizes for teachers who are able to make special attempts to make students talk, inspired by us.The teachers were ready to take help from us. One teacher ,deeply motivated, requested me to come to her class of deaf kids to talk to them.I was a bit taken aback as I knew no signs. She was keen so I went in. I saw very happy kids from 5-15 yrs of age waiting eagerly. I started to talk and the teacher translated. It was so heart wrenching when some looked at Prisha talking and expressed their desire to talk too. Some mentioned how they missed normal life and find it difficult to deal with daily life and have to have someone assist them when they go out. We discussed about issues they face and they cheered for us and their happiness and spirit was addictive. That was a very touching experience and made me feel very humble. I have been asked to come and visit the teachers each time I visit Delhi and motivate them to sincerely help the deaf kids. The volunteer had updated me with all the issues at school and it was clear that it needed sincere upheaval.I was deeply moved when kids from Appeejay school at Delhi were so motivated to spread my message too.They promised to talk about deafness and spread awareness too about it.I hope these youngsters make that difference in some one's life.
      I really hope I am able to make ,even if small, difference. Even if some parent gets motivated to work with their kid and not give up on their deaf child, some teacher who pushes the deaf child enough, or some student who would spread the message around that....deaf can talk, would be something I would be grateful for. So much to do in the world, one just needs to go out and spend time to show the support. I don't know if I could or would do something, but even if there is more awareness that would help people seek for answers, my mission to spread the message would be achieved.
     

Improving vocabulary

     Prisha's reading has improved drastically thanks to the reading that she does and we are with her constantly. Yesterday at her after school activity reading , she read very well and her teacher told us that he was happy with her reading, spellings and her ability to fill in letters in the guessing the word game. But yes , her speech does lack usage of any new word till we force it down her or we don't remind her. Today I got a sudden brain wave. I think it should really help her remember new words and also help us make an extra effort to use new vocabulary. When she uses her simple language, we are going to substitute the simple words for her in her daily language then and there. If she says "I am sad", we would say "you are disappointed/frustrated/upset/etc" the many substitutes she can use as she mostly uses "sad"  to describe many feelings. I think it should help us and her as well, making our daily language broader and bigger , holding more weight....lol. So geared up for that, would keep my blog posted about results.

Speech therapy made me strong

Talking about India

Some fried snacks to share

Henna for all

They loved the tattoos 

Class picture

      I have been with Mrs. Hudlikar for speech therapy since Prisha was a year old. She is strong, pushy and very focused and has a very all rounded approach towards learning language for normal living. Most speech therapist practice with just the child inside the room and mothers are asked to come an hour later. Mothers are a vital part of child's life in early years. She is highly instrumental in teaching the infant to learn language as he spends maximum time with her. So Mrs. Hudlikar makes sure she has all the mothers in her class to see her approach , pick up the skills of speech therapy and apply in daily life of the deaf child. The mothers have a one to one interaction and since each class has at least 2-3 kids, the kids learn faster listening to the other kids answering. All her cases have had 100 % results and all kids have been leading a very happy and normal lives.
      The other beneficiaries of this style of speech therapy are mothers. As they see hands on the intricacies of teaching language to the deaf child, she gets empowered and teaches her kid in any circumstances and any place without feeling the pressure of people around or the place she is in. Her only mission is teach the child through language about what is around him. She gains a lot of confidence and is not scared to speak her mind.Since she teaches her child all the time, her command over her language is very important. Her grammar, vocabulary and diction needs to be very strong along with her intonation, flow of speech and the tone as all these are going to hold the attention of a small child, which can be difficult for too long. But through Mrs. Hudlikar's therapy, all mothers master it. Result......strong, happy mothers with immense knowledge with power of speech. I am one such mother, gained immense strength, happiness and normalcy in my life thanks to her.One example I would like to share that made me very happy.
       Last week a mother of Prisha's classmate , who is a teacher at high school of a German school , asked me if I could talk about India to her 25 students who are about 15-16 years old. I was excited being a proud Indian that I am. I made a power point project and a few pointers to talk about, some henna, some snack made at home and dressed in a saree, I was ready to go. I did get a bit nervous when I saw 3 teachers and 25 bored looking students. But then, took off, a bit shaky inside. its not easy to hold the attention of that age who also do not have great command over English. I gave an hour and a half lecture, made henna tattos on the girl's arms, shared the snacks and answered all their questions. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. All the 15 yrs olds stayed through the lecture, and later complimented me on my lecture. they said they enjoyed every bit of it. The teachers came down to tell me how entertaining and interesting the lecture was. Soon word spread and couple of teachers came down to tell me how horrid they felt as they missed the lecture. I was overwhelmed by compliments and in my heart could not thank Mrs. Hudlikar enough! Some asked me to come down again as they would love other classes to hear it too. It was such a wonderful experience and made me beam from ear to ear ! What was most humbling was some telling me that I should be a teacher as I was very interesting and entertaining and that they had never had any lecture that interesting ever in the school !! I came home and called up ma'am and thanked her for all that I received that day. It was thanks to her that I developed that art of holding attention of people through language and this is one thing I would never forget in my life.
     Thank you Alaka ma'am, I owe it you  , thank you for being in my life and changing it in more than one way. 

Update of student led conference

       Prisha had her student led conference at school last week. This means that whatever work she has done at school, she would show it to her parents by herself. She leads them through the entire work done at school in books and computers and explains her journey. We as parents ask her to reflect on her work and ask where she excelled,  what she learnt and where she needs to work on and how much. It was amazing to see her confidence as she led us through and answered our questions. Very well done. I could see areas where she needed to work on and where she made us proud. She and we grade her on what we see.
      Then the teacher sat with us last 15 mins and ran through the 3 months of work that they did at school. It was nice to know how much they knew each other and how she got Prisha to admit her strengths and weaknesses. We came to know she has been pulled out from IEP and just has a teacher come in for 45 mins daily to help in the main period of inquiry. Then a teacher takes her out for some time daily to work on her narration and comprehension skills. Prisha is a star at reading, spellings and hand writings is good. She needs to work on her comprehension. We need to all work on that front now.
      Today I was conversing with a friend who had a hearing impaired child and is from the US. She made a statement which made me think the same too. When I explained how Prisha reads well but is not able to comprehend it in her mind. Her observation was that the child is so focused on reading it right and doing it to her best that her brain is very focused on that and is not working enough on comprehending it. It just struck a chord in me. Now we need to change our strategy. We read to her, explain where is necessary and then ask her to explain in her own words. So while we read and explain it would be easy for her to build the picture in her mind of the story, hold it in her brain better and then be able to retell in her own words.She could then read the story by herself to get it even better. Hope this works better. Each day is a new journey  and new learning with her. 

A callous audiologist

       Last week Mrs. Hudlikar got a case which actually made me so miserable that I literally wanted to fly down to India and question the lady audiologist. It is a simple case where she wanted to just make money out her profession without really bothering about the child and the family who have got so severely affected by this.
       Without naming , I want to share this experience and hope that anyone who reads this could understand that they need to know how they can be wronged and audiologist who make this as a money making profession, read it and maybe realize the sin they commit towards this very sensitive issue.
     The parents of this child realized the child was deaf and went to this particular audiologist in Pune, India seeking help. Hearing aids were tested and soon as usual she started to ask the family to go in for cochlear implant as they were very effective and the child would talk.The desperate parents in the need to get the best for their child went in for CI . As usual not much information was given and the parents, from a simple back ground, took it on face value that their little boy would chatter with this miraculous surgery. Then the child was started on speech therapy 4 times a week and the family was paying 250 Rs per time ,that is 1000 Rs a week !!!! The family kept waiting for years that some day the child would talk . This family with limited means sold their home to make this dream a reality for the child. Soon the family started to question the audiologist about the child not talking. So her next reaction was, the child has a faulty auditory nerves and so the child is not benefiting with the CI!! When she did all the testing, was she not aware of the condition? She gave more reasons which were absolutely rubbish but the simple couple ,not educated enough, took it as their fate. She then told them they have to accept it as their fate that their child would never talk. So her next suggestion ( am amazed ) was, label all your things at home , at least the child would learn to read ! But read what?? Bed, glass, TV, etc......how would it help? Would the child be able to put his thoughts accross with these mindless names? We need to speak full sentences to convey our thoughts.And what about speaking? Just with those labels, can the child talk? One takes years of practice to learn a language and speak it well.How does she expect that to happen to this child.Does she not have a conscious? How does she go to sleep having done so much harm, year after year?
       This lady was apprached by a parent when he saw the 7 year old had CI but could not speak.he gave her Mrs.Hudlikar's number.The hopeful mother went running to her, crying and begging her to help her little son speak. Ma'am's heart is so large , she just cannot refuse despite the fact she is getting older and some days finds it difficult. The lady was ready to do anything to help her son.What hurt her more, almost like a dagger in her heart, was that all the hearing  impaired kids, with what ever loss, was talking and going to normal school. She feels the pain and so does ma'am and we hope with so much loss of time and damage done, the child can still maybe learn to talk.It does get difficult as the child gets older, but each mother wants that her deaf child should be able to talk like a normal child, hear her voice and integrate into the world.
    I wish these audiologists were penelized or were answerable to someone.The parents are too busy trying to sort out their life and cannot run around fighting the case in the court. But is there no way that the hearing aid companies or CI companies come back to check what the response of the people.Why should not they be answeable to anyone? The family sold off everything just to help the child. But he is still speechless. that just shows , despite the best aid......hearing aid or CI, the most vital clue to the child talking is not just any speech therapy, but effective speech therapy.I wish more and more people do that. the main problem why more stress is not laid on speech therapy is as there is not too much money in it. The audiologist find it easier to make more money seeling aids and CI than using effective speech therapy. I wish they turned more human and did not weight everything in terms of money. More power to Mrs. Hudlikar...is my only prayer to the Almighty !!
  

Why reading is so essential

     Lovely article on why reading is so essential for the deaf.We have made reading a very essential part of our 7 year old too.Last 1 month,since our return from India,the entire vacation we have been concentrating on reading, grammar and books and games which help boost vocabulary. Must read and make it part of these kids.

http://hearingsparks.blogspot.com/2011/07/why-i-read-and-how-it-helps-me-deal.html

Now my list of why I found reading so good for Prisha-
-Increases her interest in whats really happening ,more exposure to experiences which sometimes are difficult to have.
-Increase in vocabulary,improves grammar and definitely her spellings.
-Helps her to realize where she makes mistakes in her words while speaking.With limitations of hearing aids,she says only half the word for some,she is surprised at the way its spelt when she reads them! Eg-Brea_ for bread."D" is silent for her unless emphasized.With practice she has learnt to say the whole word.Love to see her expression that time.
-Gives me an opportunity to improve her diction.
-Helps me in sequencing when she relates the story to me in her words,which improves memory.
-Gives her "time-off" from us constantly correcting and listening to us which can be so tiring.
-Gives her more ideas and expands her thinking.
-Gives her concepts and ideas while talking....she will suddenly remember an incident from a story while we are at something.More memories.
-Helps her to integrate with other kids,exchanging books,picking up books at the library,discussion with other kids about ideas,games etc.
-If there is no company when we are out, what better than a book ?
-Gives me sometime off too,so that I can do what I like while she is at it.
-Gives her creative thoughts,and it helps her in her drawing which she loves.

   Am glad to get my list of "goods" of reading, inspires me to read more !!

Mind map and blogging

      Prisha Has been working on her vocabulary and grammar last 3 weeks, since we are back.To recall her experiences of her recent trip to India, I decided to let her recall them by making a mind map.Normally we would try to sequence the events one by one and I needed to help . I felt somewhere  she was missing the spontaneity of it all ,and at times became a chore. Since she is now a little blogger herself, I thought I should tell her to make a mind map and asked her to put all the things she could remember. I was surprised at things she remembered and I had forgotten.
        I then asked her to sequence them and make it into a write up.Here and there I needed to remind  her of events ,but I think she did a great job.It suddenly was an easy job ! Asked her to type it all out and added some pictures for her to put the visual with the writing to have a lovely post.The pictures too were clicked by her .I gave her the camera for her to click about things she wanted to write.I am glad as we now have her eagerly wanting to click and talk about it.Asked my family and close friends to read and leave a bit of their comments which would encourage her.She is now actively checking her comments each morning and writing back.
      This blog for her came as an idea to excite her. Kids love to see their results and people appreciating too.On her 7th b'day I had gifted her a diary to write all her thoughts and special events.She already has the camera to click (thank God for digital ones !!!! Can click without worry!) I started to notice that some days she found it a chore to write in her diary.So to excite her and also to make a bigger connection ,thought of opening a blog for her. She loved the idea ! The visual with her experience all on internet,(welcome to the world of internet) something she can show anyone anywhere across the world. She is as of now a happy writer. This way I would have a good record of her journey in her words,with all her mistakes.We can see her progress. As of now I am keeping my fingers crossed that she would continue this journey,Wishing her every success.Her blog address:-

http://prishasmusings.blogspot.com/

Tug at my heart - no signs for me, she says

Together through thick and thin

My princess, I love you !

    I have been a bit more firm last week with Prisha trying to get a hold on myself and her too and get back into action of learning after the long holiday. And she does get a bit nervous about it but knows that she needs to perform for her own good. So this afternoon I watched a dance programme from India on the internet to ease her and we both watched the lovely dance moves.
    And then this guy comes and dances with such passion that one of actor judges applauds him and calls his mother.It turned out that he came from the family of deaf.He is the only speaking person and they showed their struggle.He has this passion to stand out as he wants to make a career in it and make enough money to look after his family. The actor,applauds the efforts of the family and the boy's passion to prove himself through sign language. Everybody in the show, including me standing behind her, were moved to tears as life in India for a middle class handicapped person is not easy.After watching she looked up at me and asked me why I was crying. How do I tell her that had I not met Mrs.Hudlikar, probably without the right help, I too would have faced similar issues and I would have been deprived of hearing my girl's lovely voice?
     I then told her that the family was deaf, the boy talks and speaks and explained that how hard it was for them to live their life.They did not have hearing aids and so were soundless and speech less.For a moment she looked stunned,looked at the screen again and then looked at me with the most soulful look in her eyes and said softly " I want to hear and speak".I just had tears gushing and I hugged her tight .I then told her that I am firm with her about her learning and listening as I wanted to get her to be absolutely talking and why it was essential that I am firm.I asked her if its ok with her that I do not take    a wrong answer from her and I am upset if she made continuous mistakes,she nodded and just hugged me tighter.It was the most loving hug that we shared.
    She looked back at the screen again and asked me again "when I grow older, I would need bigger and better HA,would you still buy them for me, as I want to hear and speak, I don't want to sign? "
     I was shell shaken and hugged her tighter.My sweet Prisha, what ever be the cost, where ever we are, we are going to make sure, you have the best in hearing services and you would hear everything and speak non stop! We love your non stop chatter and can't wait to have you absolutely best in talking! Love it all.
    While in the shower, she started to sing,made her own song, does that often.Today's was
 " I want to sing and speak well, want to hear everything well, want to sing to my mom and dad" etc.
She then came out and said,another realization which she verbalized " mom, when I sing, I can't hear myself.You hear your voice when you sing, right? So now I would dry my ears , put on my hearing aids and then sing the song again, so that I can hear how it sounds."
     Awwwww, tears tears don't flow, my little baby is growing, realizing and the best part is she has been brought up in such a way that she isn't sorry about her handicap nor does she give up.Am so glad that we have a very spirited, loving and happy child who am sure would grow up to be the most loving person .She knows how hard I have worked with her and she supports it in many ways too, one of them being, caressing my head and sliding her little fingers through my hair..........heaven on earth!

Time to question

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/newsview.aspx?eddate=06/16/2011&pageno=2&edition=40&prntid=142509&bxid=35159698&pgno=2

I came across this article and was had a few questions to ask about its effectiveness. Am I justified in my thoughts and questions? I don't know, but I do think I am.Are these points valid? I have been to this institute too to see their work,but I was not satisfied with the results and hence I stayed away from it and found my answers with Mrs.Hudlikar. My only concern and the reason to write about it is to make people aware and "ask questions" before just rushing.I did and so I stand to benefit. The proof of the pudding is in its eating, they say and so I feel parents should have been writing in or putting in their word to say if this method works.In the past if the deaf kids have been successfully talking and leading normal lives under normal conditions by their methods, why is there no testimonials and interviews by them ? Normal kids do not get coaching to go to grade 1, so why these kids?Teach them to speak, they would excel in thier study too, as Mrs.Hudlika's kids show.One can speak to any mother, they would say it,"she is TOUGH BUT her work gives 100% results"!
      Its not the fault of the papers, its the fault of the people who give inadequate information.How would they know,unless the correct information is given. I wish the journalist could go beyond and find more about this subject.
   This is my letter to the newspaper correspondent.

Sir,
This is with reference to the news article in the DNA Pune on 16th June'11 about work being done for hearing impaired children.

http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_pune-ngo-creates-level-playing-field-for-hearing-impaired-kids_1555633

I am mother of a deaf child too and for me the following are the issues with this method-
1.Pre-primery age kids have to be exposed to normal atmosphere which is not possible at special schools as only teachers are talking.
2.I would take it more seriously if parents of such kids, if they benefited,spoke about it and informed if this helped them.
3.Language is for living, one does not learn language to go to school but learns to use it in daily life.Not everyone wants to go to school , but all do want to earn a living, for that language is needed.
4.Testimonials by parents and speaking kids should be shown to show the result of such a programme.
5.No mention of counselling for distressed mothers is mentioned.A disturbed mother cannot work on a deaf child.0-1 yr old kids need mothers and without counselling they cannot help their kids.
    I also read the paper in which it was mentioned they are training 12th pass students to work on these kids.I mention my concerns on this-
1.Are the 12th std youths mature and intellectually and mentally stable to help mothers who may be even suicidal and kids too?
2.Are these young people choosing the field as they are keen to work on the deaf kids or are choosing to come here as they did not qualify anywhere else.
3.Is 1-2 year course sufficient to understand and study the intricate method of this very difficult field?By doing so, one is demeaning the study done by experts in this filed for years.
4.With exposure of only teachers talking,what effect does the kids have on them? They have to produce that very normal atmosphere for them to be exposed to language, would it be possible?
You have yourself printed the success stories of Chitrali,Priya and Ashwiwni,they have grown in a normal atmosphere, normal school with no exemptions, how do you explain the difference between the two methods?
  With such poor service, you think the kids would ever develop normal development in language?No wonder very few get speech and language.Learning speech and language has no connection with schooling,it is to prepare the kids for life.I am mum to a deaf kid, now moved to Germany.Without any such coaching, just with normal treatment with extensive and effective speech therapy, my daughter goes to a normal international school here.Thanks to "no exemptions" and letting her learn with normal kids and good input, she is geared to face life.I blog on this subject and have seen how AVT (auditory verbal therapy) helps if a proper method is worked on, which requires years of hard work and study and input of a great ,educated and dedicated teacher.Kindly do not demean this very important field as it requires a lot of research to put the right aspect.We are responsible to the society who would read it and follow it.So put all the facts and facets of the subject, that would be an effective article.
Thank you,
Ruchi Goyal.

The big Indian wedding

Prisha dancing on stage

   We went to India on the 4th of December for an engagement and a wedding of 2 of Prisha's cousins. Well what a jam packed programme and what fun we had.Prisha enjoyed every bit of it.She danced and sang on the musical night and was dressed at her best in all the Indian attires.Thanks to her aunt Nisha who visited us, she was taken care of while I did all the things that needed my help.The 3 days of celebrations were something that she thoroughly enjoyed and participated in.She was the centre of attraction with all spirit and many reltives we have not seen in many years were very happy to hear her talk and respond to sounds like normal kids. We did loads of compliments and we did feel how much efforts have gone in to get her where she is with all sorts of wrong amplifications and advise in India from our audiologist, our job was tougher.
We did meet an ENT specialist and we were told how well she was talking and it was not there so with other kids.he did talk about CI and related issues and I would have loved to have detailed chat with him about it and about the conditions of speech therapy and lack of awareness etc in India, but time fell short.We were there just for 5 days and with all the celebrations, I missed on that.All in all a lovely trip!Posting some pictures of her.
    I have also noticed that Naida IX has been great for her but she may need more amplification as there are times she does not hear things and needs repetition.We heard her hearing aids and feel we need to increase her loudness for her to hear better.So we have an appointment tomorrow morning where she gets her new mold for the left ear {needed change again as sound was leaking}, lets see what changes and fine tuning are needed.She definitely has suffered long term due to bad amplification in India, we need to work harder on her speech .She is alright with regular day to day speech but finds it difficult to express anything new in her own words. She halts and her intonation is forceful and it worries me.She is very spirited and her speech therapist in school loves that fact that she takes all the corrections very well and never gives up.We need to find a good English speaking speech therapist outside the school too.Despite our efforts, we have not been able to find one here.Speech therapy in English is quite a weak area in Germany.So we have to work on her all by ourselves, following our instinct.She has made huge improvement in that last 4 months here but the graph has to be steeper still.We are not giving up but are working full force.Loads of reading ,writing, corrections and input in all ways possible.We are here at home for our winter break and so we hope to make the most of the 17 days and make sure that when she is back at school, she is more clear.The school too is finally realizing our efforts after their initial resistance to our working with her.By next June we definitely hope to see her at par with the curriculum {the IB curriculum was difficult for her to follow with its open ended style, where she had to express herself more}.Keeping our fingers crossed.

Riding the horse to the bride's home

Listen, understand , speak

    Prisha has been finding it difficult to understand this new system of education here. In India, the kids got lesson books and the teacher gave questions and answers which the kids learned. In Maths too the lessons had loads of practice and there were typical style of teaching. Here the style is very different. the kids have to apply logic, think and understand the topic or unit for the week or month.She was finding it difficult to express herself.She was unable to put words to her thoughts on how she came to a solution or came to a conclusion.The HOWs and WHYs are abstract and as she has no practice of for eg, how she knows there are 20 circles.She got the answer correct but the language to explain the method has to be worked upon.Her vocabulary needs to be expanded and we need to make her think more.So we have 3 strategies to make life a little simpler.
1)Listen carefully,understand, think and speak -in that order.She needs to pay attention to what is being said, think and understand and then speak up.
2)Ask, ask ,ask if she does not get what she is hearing.She would give explanation if she asked her doubts.The accent is different and so sometimes she does have a problem with a few people and so ask again.
3)Read ,read ,read.We are really reading and trying to use as many new words as we can in our lives.We have joined the library for story telling sessions once a week too to understand and get used to the accent. i would explain if she does not get some thing there.
      We hope to achieve something in a few months. Need to motivate ourselves constantly and keep working.The teacher has agreed to update me more on what is happening in the class.The speech therapist in school would work on her phonics 15 mins everyday till the October break.Lets see if she does more after that.A friend's son would help me to understand what is happening in the class too.So lots of positive thoughts and actions should make our journey in this new school more even.Keeping my fingers crossed.

Prisha goes to school in Germany

All set for the new school

First day at school

In class

      Last month has been so full of my settling in the new place new home and in 2 days it was also school time, that I had no time to write on my blog.I am so glad, today I am updating it , weather is just right to sit at home and write.The cold  and the rain  and coffee just put me in the mood.
     Prisha started school on 12th Aug and we had no idea what we could expect. We all were very excited at the newness of it.It is a long day and Prisha went happily and after 4 months of being home, home felt empty with both my kids away for a good 7 hrs.In the evening she looked fine and the teacher wanted to see me the next morning. I was a bit worried as I did not know what to expect.The next morning at school Prisha started to cry as she didn't want to go.A promise of a surprise waiting at home fixed that.But I got concerned and felt that Prisha was finding it hard to understand what others are talking as the accent is very different and there are people from so many countries.She was finding it difficult to make friends too as some don't speak             English at all.So I was prepared with my concerns too to meet Mrs.Hunt, her teacher.
     Mrs. Hunt wanted to understand a bit more about Prisha. She thought that she was not hearing well in the class and maybe Prisha needs to lip read.I told her that since all this was new to her, she would take time to adjust.Also she needed to sit closer to her and also NO LIP READING.She is auditorily trained and did not need signs and lip reading.She said Prisha was not responding to her name being called too a couple of times.I told her that since she is new , she was more interested in knowing what was really happeneing around her with her kids next to her. Assured her that I would have a word with Prisha.I also mentioned about her not being out when it rained and she not being cold and wet as the cold aquired leads to ear infection if not treated early.So she needed to be as dry and warm as possible.Explained to her about battery change as Prisha is equipped with that knowledge too.The meeting went well and I too happy to have quick rapport with the teacher.
    The school nurse too wanted me to update her with all her issues.I told her all the issues and she said she would inform other teachers too about her requirement about being closer to the teacher and if they had issues , we would solve together.I was happy to get positive input from them as in India , I needed to do things myself and not much support was there from school.
Next 2 weeks have gone by when I have observed what she did in school.She sang out her German rhymes where she was learning numbers and little poems.She has been singing them away , though a few words here and there need to be cleared and that is happeneing slowly.So a new language and I love it when she tells me what a few words means!`Like this morning, in the shower ,she sang a number rhyme and then she said...schlafen.....Mum, schlafen means go to sleep.Her German teacher mailed in to tell me she was bright and there were no issues.I was happy.She gets one story book from school every day which we have been reading and talking about it.Drama class feedback too was good.Music class is great too as she sang out with perfect intonation but words needed to be clear here and there.The rest is well.She loves school and i am happy about it.
      Yesterday Mrs. Hunt wanted to see me again this morning.She said the nurse wanted to meet me.I went a bit uneasy again and was a bit worked up.The nurse needed her aided audiogram to know her level of hearing with aids for records and there were no complaints from teachers about her hearing, she laughed looking at my concerned face.
      Today had a meeting with the class teacher and she said that Prisha would require a little support from school to bring her to the level at which they were teaching. I could understand it as in India the styles are different and it was more rote method.here the emphasis was much on thinking and putting into words, where she sometimes is not able to or gets stuck somewhere.So she needed my permission to add her into a support class and maybe a little work with speech therapist to get her used to the accent and aid her speech.I thought that would be great as any extra work from school would not only help Prisha pick up more, it would give me a chance to work better with Prisha.she is a quick learner but she needs to leave her shyness away a bit and open up with the teacher.Also in Maths too she said she knew for eg, 5 is bigger than 2 but "how" she came to that ,she was not able to express. Maybe Prisha was not prepared for this kind of questioning as back in India , we were never asked in school about it and so did not know how to put across this.Since I too am new to this system, I asked her what she would expect, she said some kids say they counted, some showed them how. But Prisha was not able to.So I need to work on that.She could count the 20 circles and say they were 20 of them, but how did she know that they were 20, she fell short on that. The simple answer could be like said I counted, or I counted in pairs, or she could put dots on them and said they were 20 or even if she wrote on each circle the number would be fine. So need to work on it. the systems are different and has nothing to do with hearing loss.She listens to her name very well after I told her about it.The teacher has no complains and said she was bright and just needed support.I am happy about it and I hope they would add me on in those classes too as I could then work from home for her.She is now going to update me each week and also give extra work from school to give practice to her.I am looking forward to this work and hope to see Prisha at a much different level from where she is in a years time.She is already very confident, I see a vast change in her in 3 weeks of school.So more to come.

Prisha makes phone conversation

    Yesterday I was in conversation with parents who happen to discover that the child they adopted a month ago was hearing impaired.The conversation lasted about 2 hours over Skype call and since it was on loudspeaker and video, the conversation was audible to all in the house.Prisha was busy with her jobs and I thought she was not aware of what was happening.After about an hour and half, she told her dad "Dad ask mumma to stop talking, she talks so much".I found it really amusing.

 Phone made from razor packaging

     The conversation was all about this new development and so is normally very draining as far as my energy is concerned.It does drain me out emotionally as you are trying your best to share knowledge and give the best guidance to the family so they do not fall into traps of wrong doctors who have their materialistic gains in mind.The afternoon saw us connecting with another friend whose cochlear implant has major issues due to being wrongly implanted and now depends more on the other ear which works on hearing aids.Fortunately my friend was very eager to help the new parent as they live in the same city.And we exchanged notes on how best to get her the best help possible.the phone played such an important part the whole day that I did not realize that though Prisha looked totally lost in her own world ,,she must be listening to my talks as the sounds are falling on her ears and she is very auditorily trained.
     Since I was feeling a bit claustrophobic being at home all day on the sofa, we decided to go out for a drive and see a bit more of the country side in the area we live.As we set out, I was enjoying the nice cool breeze, a bit cloudy sky,( I love it as India is mostly sunny except the monsoons 2-3 months a year), the empty roads on a sunday evening and the drive, I heard Prisha at the back pick up her play phone made from another waste packaging. She started to keep chatting while my husband and I kept our conversation going ,when suddenly her conversation caught me and we stopped talking. She was talking to her friend named "Simiya" ,a name she invented on her own and was busy taking about her.She asked about her baby and her husband and was making such a REAL conversation that we were out of our wits. I really wished I had my handycam.Then she realised we stopped talking and she said," mumma, I am talking to my friend Simiya, her husband's name is Sigga and the baby's name is Saphiya". I was amazed at her new names that she had invented.We ignored her as we wanted to hear more of it, while we giggled behind our seats.She then called up another friend and said,"Hi, how are you, Ooooo, you are getting married, wow, then you will get a baby!!"and she went on.My God!! We were holding our tummy and laughing at her real conversation.Then after a bit more of chatting, she fixed a date with her friend to meet her at home as it was her birthday party in the evening.She is not too fond of going out for a drive, I have realized and is mostly then busy with her role plays and her phones or she sleeps off. Then started her rants of wanting to go home as she had to dress up to go to the birthday party. When I said we were far from home, she said,"I am sleeping and you wake me up when we reach home and remind me I have to talk to Simiya as we are late for the party" .We settled on this note and she dozed off.The moment I reached home and I woke her up, she said "Oh yes, I have to talk to Simiya". I was so amazed at the whole chain of event.She was conversing like us, introducing the way I was introducing my family to them and making up her own situations and conversations around family, friend and baby sleeping and wedding etc.
       I thought about it later and realized the importance of her being so auditorily trained. She was so tuned to sounds around her with all kinds of background sounds included, as in India there is plenty of noise in the city, that she is used to picking up voices over noises involuntarily. I thought that while I chat away on phone etc, she may be ignoring the sounds as it is natural for the hearing impaired to ignore sounds and talks around them.A lot of such people are used to talking only when spoken too and in the process miss out on what is happening around them.They miss the talks between other friends, or people talking together as they find it hard to concentrate on others' conversation.But since she is auditorily trained, she pays attention to sounds.As the sounds fall on her ears while she does her things, her brain is retaining the happenings around her and she reproduces similar things later.As the sounds fall on her ears, she keeps herself abreast to things happening around.I am so glad as this brings her closer to normalcy and we feel happy that with great speech therapy , we are able to lead quite a normal lives ourselves.Many people tell me this that she is so normal with her interaction that they feel she is not hearing impaired.I thank God and my loving speech therapist Alaka Hudlikar, who has made this so possible.And now this is so close to my heart, that anyone who is in a situation like this, I am all out to help them out.

Another bad case

Last week , I took my son's classmate who is deaf to Mrs. Hudlikar. This mother had contacted me 2 years back and I had asked her to do speech therapy for the girl. But she had reasons of her own for not doing.Finally , after she realized that her daughter was having problem at school and was having deteriorating speech due to no correction, she decided to ask me for the same.The girl speaks quite well and is bi-lingual. But she needed to be better for outsiders to understand her and it would help her at school once her auditory skills improved. She had pneumonia when she was 4yrs old and due to high doses of medicines, her hearing was affected and now has a  profound loss.As the 1st 4 yrs of her life she was hearing, her speech was reasonable but had not grown enough.
She was asked to show all the audiograms etc of the last 10 years. What we saw was horrifying. There was no paper that was in place.All her audiograms were incomplete and did not match each other. The mother had done her testing in 4 different cities in India, but all seemed hap hazard and nothing could derived from this. We were not able to understand if she had a loss and if yes , how much. Since there was no proper unaided audiogram, there was no sign of an aided one.All of them told her that her left ear had no hearing left and so there was no need to wear hearing aid in that ears!With no proper audiogram, how could they decide that her left ear was no good? With mother not literate enough to understand the complexity of the subject, the child was loosing out very precious time of speech development.The child and the parents made adjustments and now with complications in school, they decided to take help.
It was decided that 1st thing she needed was an unaided and an aided audiogram to understand the extent of loss.It was decided that Ma'am's name would be used for this as nobody can doubt her expertise in the field and they would take the case seriously.Her tests were done and we were shocked to see that her graphs looked pretty good. She had an almost flat curve across the graph and had severe to profound loss in both ears. She had almost the same loss in both ears which made it mandatory to use 2 hearing aids.Earlier audiograms showed about 20db loss discrepancy!! This was most shocking to the parents and we were amazed once again at the state of affairs in India.Now we plan to fit them with 2 BTEs from Siemens.
This is the state of trained degree holder audiologists in the country.Some of them for their own monetary gains are cheating people and stealing happiness of lives of families.How is it that not one audiologist was not able to ascertain her loss without ma'am's intervention? How many people suffer with this kind kind of lax service.Are we not having a right to good service?How many people can Ma'am help and how may have speech therapist as dedicated as her? These degree holders hold us helpless people like this to  ransom.I feel ashamed of such service, but who would stand up and raise their voice? A person who does, is deprived of any help of buying maybe the tubes, batteries etc.I have done it the past with no results. The numbers in India is too large.I wish some day I am able to open a center where people can come in and leave as happy families.The dream is large, with huge investments , maybe someone up there would listen and find a way out of this.

Distant help

Yesterday a mother we are trying to help in the south of India, called up.She does not have the required support as far as her hearing impaired child is concerned.She is touch with me for the last 6 months now. She was desperate for her 3 year old and then through some contact she had contacted me. She was so depressed then and had the worst things to say about her life and the deaf child.I too was saddened by the situation and kept talking to her to try and help her  come out of her situation. Her husband decided to visit us here in Pune  He visited us 3 months back to understand the techniques we have to teach, the deaf child.He took the videos I post on the youtube under the name "rouchi6". He took lectures from Mrs. Hudlikar and went back a happy and educated man.The mother saw the videos and soon enough we were able to get her out of the situation and today she is a very happy and motivated mom.She calls me about every month 1-2 times and is has all her queries listed down with examples, explanations and all the details that can give me an idea of how her lil girl is doing. I put in all that I know from my own experiences and tell her how to go about it. She asks me to give some demos and we take videos on that topic and put it on you tube so that she knows how to solve that problem.
On the phone y'day she said that the inputs from blog and the videos we have posted , have helped her immensely.She is now knowledgeable enough to know the difference between good and bad or ineffective speech therapy.She is talking to her 3 year old after learning from us in spite of the distance and I heard her lil girl speak on the phone. She spoke so well!! I am so happy and thankful to God that yes, we were able to change a life  of a family with this little effort.It takes me quite some time to edit the videos and to put the lil movie on the net, but it is all worth it if we were able to change some life. I now feel it is possible to even now give speech therapy sessions from a distance thanks to the technology.She recommended the videos and blog to the so called audiological center where she goes for any help. They rubbished it and consider the method we learn as " old and outdated". The mother immediately said it does not matter how and what she is teaching, the bottom line is the kids are talking and going to normal schools. I feel the method we learn will be effective even 20 years from now as it is not just the bookish knowledge that she is giving us. The education, books she reads, experience of the last 40 years and what she sees around herself is all knitted into the teachings she gives us. We are not confined to a boring room, but have sessions in her garden, living room, bathroom , prayer room, bedroom or in the park, in the vegetable market, you name it and we are there. I am so blessed to have her in my life.Now this lady is coming to visit me with her girl and will see for herself how normal our lives are.I am inspired to work harder in documenting the teaching and to share it with other parents.I hope we are successful in our endevour.