Difficult 2.5 years

      

My happy satisfied "never give up" teen

     Its been a hard 2.5 years at the school in Jakarta. It was an Indian International school that my husband thought would be good. Hence when we moved from Germany to this school,we thought it would be a good change as we needed Prisha to have a structured approach in studies. The 5 years of IB in Germany had gaps with abstract understanding and we thought text books would be a great support. Hence the choice.

    Well it was a huge mistake and blunder just as I had dreaded. Initially all was going well. Then within a month she was bullied for coming from Germany and being "German".....she tried so hard to fit in but the class teacher and a few students ganged up against her and harrased Prisha the whole year. The teacher was trash and somewhere end of that year, we fought against it and got support. Next year seemed promising and had a good class teacher who was supportive. Yet the students refused to accept her and the struggle continued. I hated to see no support and she eating lunch each day by herself. To keep her company, we decided to be on what's app so that she did not feel alone. The kids can be so hurtful and sadly except a couple of teachers , there was no support. They too after a while were targeted perhaps and they too started to leave Prisha alone. The study preassure was killing my child. I too hurt inside and we both slipped into depression. Difficult place, lack of support, study pressure, traffic situation, language issues and no outings ....just was too much to take. She really fought it bravely and at times she lost control and at times she stood up. As a mum I could only counsel her and see ourselves being isolated and hurting all the time. Talking to her endlessly and trying to see her through was taking a toll on my health as well.

     The 3rd year was garde 8 and I dreaded it as much she did. Fortunately she made friends with a German lady and her daughter and they took her under her wing. Feeding the cats each evening, playing around and talking a lot to each other was the only silver lining in her dark clouds. Veronica and Aleyna brough a lot of beautiful moments in her life that shall be cherished for life. They sadly had to leave and she was left alone again.
    meanwhile at school, he talked of giving up with stress, had pimples all over her face and hormones were raging with anger. At times I found it hard to keep counselling but can I give up? No....what the school should have provided, I was doing that. We were like lone fighters with attack from all sides. Grade 8 saw her more isolated and non of the teachers knew she had hearing issues!!! They left her alone as she seemed quiet and never came up to ask what was her reason to be so isolated and sad. I fought back and yet somewhere I knew its not going to help. THE SCHOOL DOESN"T CARE!!! No counselors, no one who would carry out their promises or help support a child struggling alone......I knew its only going to kill my child and I could not take it anymore. I had taken to writing quotes and poems to vent out my sadness and hurt from all fronts of my life. It helped at times and at times no amount of tears and worry could help. Support from few hands who wiped my tears and heard me out each moment of my sadness holding me through my depression, really was a saving grace.

    Summer of 2017 was a wake up call when Prisha started to talk about giving up on life and value of life. She said she hated life at 13! She said things that made me panic and the whole summer between tears and hugs and under our 4 eyes....we survived many difficult moments. I was paranoid and never left her alone, her questions and statments made me cold, at times I broke into sweat and at times breathless. I even asked for a counselor but our local GP said....you are her best counselor and no one can do what I could, specially in Indonesia. Under all the smiles and happy writing....was a sea of tears and raw and hurtful emotions. My fear of losing my child was killing me. That is when I just knew I needed to do something...but what? 

    It was somwhere in October I knew we are up against a wall and I put my foot down and decided we need to move school. The school had brough her entire confidence down. No amount of drawing, doodling, music lessons, talking and support from friends here was helping us. I feared each day as she returned home with 10 Kg of backpack and tons on her hurt mind and soul. Deafness was forgotten and so were those challenges. The unempathic atmosphere in school, the noise and rashness had affected her health so much that she started to get weak and dizzy most times. Her headaches were so intense that I was afraid she may have a break down, pressure of submissions, etc got her sleepless nights. It lead to low BP and low Haemoglobin and she kept feeling she was going to pass out.  The local GP too saw how much we were suffering and said my decision to move school would be the best idea. It was a huge decision for us. I knew that once we pull out, we would not be admitted back as they would be happy to have a troublesome child out. Her needs to be accepted were too huge for them. They avoided talking to me as they knew I would be complaining or asking for answers. Its sad that such an old school, perhaps one of the oldest here could not take care of one child who just had one need.....be accepted and be supported. Were we asking too much? We asked for no special needs, no special aids....she coped up with all the work....all that she needed was less noise in class, friends and someone to turn to when she needed help. Yet......When I left school, they were pretty happy I guess. No one said I should stay back, nor reasons why I was moving her mid term nor were they concerned. Such an old reputed institution could not support the basic need to be integrated, We asked for no help except less noise and acceptance. That was a bit too much. 

      At this juncture a friend suggested NJIS. An advanced placement school with few kids per classroom and with global teachers. Skeptical and exhausted I decided to take a step into the school and go without expectations. I didn't know that, that one day of a very depressed and helpless mum shall perhaps be life changing. I shall write about it in my next post. It only brings a smile after moist eyes from typing out this post. Emotional, hurtful and tough 2.5 years ended on 25Th Nov'2017.