Saturday, October 18, 2014

Fear turns to empathy


     Prisha with her hearing issues deals with many other issues. Being understood, being accepted by people, at times limited understanding of few things, friendship issues are just a few of them. Yet we keep working tirelessly and make sure her morale is high up and she works hard to be up there. Her spirit to learn and accept her shortcomings and her disability is commendable. Being her parent I understand her pain and at times when she has to deal with friendships it can be very hard. The need to be accepted as she is , to be called as a friend and made to feel wanted is always a wonderful feeling and makes her day. The new school has a very positive atmosphere where kids are more easy going and accept her much better. After a long time she has stopped crying and being sad for friends and also is happier and calmer at school. She has her group , mostly Indian, and she loves being with them.I am a satisfied and happy mum.
    She often mentioned "L" to me and said she always hung around her group or played with her. I was glad that she had a good time at school with her. Then we met at Kumon and she begged me to let Prisha go with her home for a playdate. She was pretty hyper.It was already late and so I wasn't too sure. Before I could react her mum came in and the reactions made me feel as if she wasn't really wanting her to have one. We came back home.
    Yday we met at Kumon again and she was with her sister. She again begged me to let her go, I finally gave in. Her older sister offered to take them home walking as they loved walking. Her sis said she would be careful with Prisha on her roads and L said ..." my sis has been taking care of me for very long and she walks me home many times". Convinced I allowed her and drove back home.
     Later in the evening my hubby went down to pick Prisha from her home and she lived just round the corner, we were quite happy as this would give Prisha a chance to have a few playdates close by. My family returned and I see L rushing down too and ringing our door bell many times. I was a bit hassled and rushed to open. She came in and blurted a few things including a sleepover at her place and my hubby somehow dropped her back home. My hubby and I felt everything wasn't of with her. I found her too hyper and I was suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of having her this close to her place. She was comfortable coming on her own and that means we may see this very active girl too often.
     Today once we got home from school, an hour later I see L coming down the stairs in front of the house. I froze for a minute and then allowed her in. I made it clear that we don't do a sleep over yet , I have to know her better before we have one at our place. Prisha isn't allowed unless the family is really very close. She has had only one stay over till now.
    Soon she was all over the place , took Prisha to a nearby park, came back and started to paint. By now I was really wondering if I want her around and was a bit skeptical about her skills with handling the colors and water. We made it "paint friendly" and they both started to paint. Soon we saw her writing in paint a letter to her teacher. I got back to cooking and suddenly heard my hubby call me. He said L is dyslexic and has ADHD. My heart melted and my face was washed out. I sat next to her, a very warm and tender feelings inside me now. I asked her hesitantly and out she came with all confidence telling me about it. What she said made me melt. She said she had ADHD and was dyslexic and explained the problems associated with it. These were new to me. She had language issues and spelling problems, blurted out stuff which could offend people but she never meant to do so, could be very hyper and had learning support at school. She had friendship issues as no one wanted to be friends with her. This bit really hurt me and I could understand her pain which she said very matter of factly and with immense confidence. My feelings changed and my fear, anxiety, "anti-her" feelings disappeared and I decided I am going to be patient with her and help her feel differently. Could understand what she must be feeling coz Prisha goes through it always. I also got to know the letter was for her class teacher as she was her pen pal! That explained the writing bit on her card. The teacher had a unique way of helping ehr with her vocabulary and writing skills. I had a huge sense of respect for her teacher!
      Soon I saw another side of her, she was caring in her ways, Prisha didn't hear but she did and so got the reading glasses for my hubby, tiptoed out of the room as my hubby did his evening prayers and excused herself for disturbing. I stopped her for dinner and she ate our Indian dish with loads of yogurt and sugar. She wasn't keen to go and was full of energy, but I decided it was too late to stay out. My hubby dropped her back despite her insisting on going back alone. Turned out her dad was looking for her, wonder if she did tell tell her dad that she was coming over to our place.
      Thinking since then, how the special kids need to accept their shortcomings in life. Today I felt happy trying to make her feel cared for. For me it was a revelation of sorts. Now hopefully we shall plan days and have her come over.I am glad I have not lost my humane touch and could treat her with due love and attention. We are now preparing for her impromptu dropping in for play dates or Prisha being called more often. How to deal with it we shall see. A certain discipline has to maintained and a balance being maintained.