Monday, October 19, 2015

Extreme behavior

Why do children with special needs different in behavior often? This was asked by me today and it made me think. One asked me that she had a child in class with damaged right ear and so used mostly his left ear. Why was he so aggressive? She often got strict with him.He glared at her. I look at Prisha, she is often scared to offend anyone. She watches carefully and gets into a mode where she is scared to say a no for the fear they may feel bad. Her ques often is...' am I hurting your feeling?"
The answer was simple. They are already dealing with so much of issues with their disability and coping with life that its extreme behavior that they end up showing. Either they rebel and try to push you off with their bad behavior so they don't have to deal with you or they go defensive and are afraid to talk. For these tiny human beings the pressure is quite a bit. The social pressure being immense as the society isn't aware of disabilities and find it hard to understand the various needs. The pressure to perform is huge at schools, home, outside home and inside.Its a kid of self defense mechanism and I wish more could go under and reach below that surface. As adults we find it hard to deal with social behavior and can go berserk. How do we expect them to deal with it by themselves? Patience and immense understanding is required. There is a difference between the laziness they could have to avoid work and the ability to cope with pressures. A very empathetic and deep person would be able to make out the difference. Its very important to find such teachers who would understand these needs of such kids and help them deal with these pressures better and help them grow better. Once they know the teacher or guide means well, the extreme behavior shall turn into immense cooperation and the session could bring joy to both. I wish we are more empathetic and provide an atmosphere that is inclusive that helps such kids to bloom and become an asset to the society.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Moving to Jakarta

        As her mum I have learnt so much. Being human first, empathy, , passion, pressure, struggles,end of roads, uphill climb, stick out my neck, strive to be different, seek help, deal with depressions, elation, eyes welling up,questioning, hugs, lump in my throat, being called a cruel or pushy mum.....list is endless. All these words are often a part of my life. Yet I strike to make myself different by doing what most would say...don't. I just can't seem to agree with what most say. Am I crazy? No , coz that is what has got Prisha so far. Moving here to Jakarta hasn't come easy. A very difficult place to survive in, language, medical facilities being poor and poor communication makes it hard as does human ego of my own community. There are extremes in people around. Extremely loving and helpful and the other being unconcerned and unaware. The good always covers well over the bad though. I have been extremely fortunate to find some very good support and help 24*7. With Prisha we need to have a lot of good understanding around and I am always alert towards her needs.
       Going to an audiologist was a huge challenge , our guards up and we decided we need to go to Singapore for all her needs as they seemed more shocked at what we achieved in her. The look they had when they saw her videos of dancing, singing etc. and looked towards me to question if she really had deafness. Its sad that since they don't find the right advice, the kids get neglected and end up in special schools.
      Its been nearly 3 months here now, each day has been a challenge in its ways. Most of my friends were excited about me having help and services here. No one can realize that its not our priority at all. Our most ordinary service and help here is getting Prisha settled at school(impossible without Ms. G..... not just school, she is my emotional anchor here) , getting her teachers to understand our issues, being empathetic, getting her a good audiologist, getting her good friends, letting her understand her studies and deal with the pressures of a different kind.She tells me these days not to change her school again as she loves what she is studying. She says there is a lot or pressure but loves it as she is learning so much more compared to the last 5 years!I was surprised and proud of my little tigress. She is extremely hardworking and sincere, very sensitive and scared of  offending anyone. Below the surface there is a lot going on coz of the last 1.5 years difference and change. Her brother moving to university, our sudden move here, school changes last 3 years and her close relationships being left behind. But as always we believe in hard work and giving her support. Standing by her every need and flaw and making up for what others can't provide. many say she is lucky, I say we are lucky as she made us very human and caring. She gave me a chance to see my capabilities, she gave me an opportunity to work, she made me human, she made me stronger, she gave me recognition and many letters of appreciation. Walking into a room and being given a chance to speak about a subject most do not know or care about and then leaving with claps on my back or looks of admiration is what she has given me. I do not mind being too vulnerable and seek help, eyes well up now and then when I am stuck in a situation coz then I get this very genuine hand to pull me up and hold me through it taking me to the other side. I have earned some very valuable relationship in the process and a chance to make a difference in a very difficult world. I was so overwhelmed when I met a deaf young man who we want to get the best help possible. His dreams typed to me on whats app as he is deaf mute left me feeling very humble. His parents telling me that they wish they had met me earlier left me overwhelmed. Now as we work together to get him the right advise and help to get into a university feels gratifying. For me this is what I seek and look for. The smiles and tears of gratitude is worth more than any help, service and treasure. Met some people who understand what I say and mean and am grateful for that. Its not the life of ordinary that I seeked and received and I am grateful.           Tough it may be but few years down I see her as an elegant young lady to make a difference in the world while I look for an alternative career from being a mum and home maker with a difference to a lady who is out to help many like her. I see my greys and lines smiling through welled up eyes at a vulnerable mum like me and a helpless kid like her. I owe all this strength to my one and only ma....Alaka Hudlikar. Her words ring in my ears always and her blessings always give me the strength to walk a path that is lined with unknown and unplanned events. I am blessed to have these two angels in my life which made an ordinary life into an extraordinary life. God bless them and keep them close to me always. I want to even let those souls know (they know who they are)I am grateful to them ....all who have seen me through this journey never letting me go and never letting my hand slip from theirs. Life is extraordinary and we are living it.