Monday, January 28, 2008

Tantrum control

Thank God, today I realised that by not giving in to her tantrum in class that day she has understood FOR NOW, that mom is not giving in to her without a reason.It was very tempting for me that day to actually accept her illogical demand where I knew what she wanted was wrong, and to have my peace of mind by giving in.At least I would not have a high blood pressure, a headache and the frustration.By not giving in that day and by showing her that I was not affected by her crying ,a point has been put across .It is in the long run for her benefit.For the momentary peace ,a wrong input was not encouraged.This morning I saw another tantrum coming, and I nipped it by warning her that I DON'T WANT ANOTHER TANTRUM.We spoke sitting across and it died a natural death.
I feel that this has to be instilled right from the birth of the child.The child needs constant attention and soon the child realises that all my moods affect people around me and specially my mom.So to get attention he starts to ,in his own little ways, get the situation under his control.In a typical scene at home,I noticed the moment I am on the phone or talking with the neighbour or am in a public place the child would ask for a thing which normally a mom would say no to.A bit of whining and mom givings in and a wrong message has been instilled and encouraged.I as a mom will have to sit and understand that the demand is ok to go with, or it is something you would not want to give in to.If you find the demand is something that is not be fulfilled then at no cost should we give in.By being firm on it ,after explaining the reason for it, we have driven a point in.If the child still insists a bit of tantrum would come in but we should not budge and still be firm on the decision.The reason has to be given, maintain your cool and by not loosing your head the child would after all the crying, would stop.It is important that when the child comes around ,do not melt till he has understood the reason for your denial and apologised.I remind her of the tantrum and that I am not giving in when the next one comes.I have realised I have sat down with my older son as a kid when we had an issue.I used a lot of words and explained sitting across.As a result he learnt to listen to my logic and is more receptive.We need to spend a lot of energy and our vocal chords from the beginning so the child is clear from the beginning.We tend to confuse the child by giving in sometimes at a wrong thing and sometimes being adamant.We have to consistent , for that a lot of patience is required but motherhood is not easy.We have a child's development in our hands.

Also with hearing impaired children people have this"o ,the poor child" syndrome.THE CHILD IS NOT SICK.we are pampering him.We tend to do everything for him.The family too also tends to have this poor thing attitude.Do not allow it.The deaf child learns to use it his advantage, in school, home and all places.They have to be given that much language .I see it as a speech therapy session.I by using the language ,intonation and expression am able to get across a hearing impaired child.We feel it is difficult and straining to speak to a deaf child and so let go off the tantrum.I remember one thing ....After she wears hearing aids , SHE IS NOT DEAF.She like any normal child and so it becomes easy to talk to her and give her the language.The bottomline is -Do not confuse the child , be consistent.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Child's Tantrum

Today I had undergone a very difficult part of child control.What when a child throws a tantrum?Are we not embarrassed, emotionally drained , torn and frustrated?All of us go through it.
Well I had this showdown at Mrs. Alaka Hudlikar's place.Prisha normally is very receptive and ready to talk.But y'day she was sleepy and a bit too tired and for a small reason she decided she wanted my attention in a lecture in the therapy class.I gave her the answers but refused to take my answer and started to cry which later turned into a tantrum.She wanted her way out and I would not bend down to her demands.It disturbed the whole class and ma'am alaka and I decided to not give in.It was very difficult and I had undergone a very traumatic time .Today we discussed it in the class and realised that she wanted to control the whole situation.Children are very clever and easily manipulate the situation and their moms to their advantage.If we give in it affects their emotional growth a lot.By giving in we show the child that with the loud crying she is powerful enough to get what she wants.We have to bend her to our ways and not give in to illogical demands.By giving in we are encouraging wrong behavior and she would never learn the right social behavior.We have to instill the right attitude by being firm.By the end of the day Prisha had come around and apologised for her tantrum.Next tantrum would be easier as she has realised being 4 yrs old that Mom is not going to give in.I have realised the more you give in the bigger the next tantrum.If the child is controlled from the beginning she would not get in to a fit and is more socially accepted.Today she is more easy to handle.I have done it many times that there were times she would cry for no reason and was adamant for an illogical reason.I would send her in a corner and IGNORED the whole tantrum and crying.After a while she would quieten down and the go about her activities or say sorry for the fault.Initial times the crying and the fit would be for 30 mins the 20 mins and soon she realised I would not give in cried for a few secs and then came to terms.The fight for the mastery over the issue stops.There has to be a logical reason and we as parents need to know when and how much to give in.My lesson on this was revisited and learnt and reconfirmed.

Friday, January 18, 2008

twist the question

Last class ma'am put forth a very important aspect of teaching children.When we teach children or in school teachers would question the child which is most predictable to a child eg.Name 5 flowers or name a few animals or name the beings which have tails etc.The child has over the years memorized the answers and know the pattern of the question and know the sequence of answers.The way to know the extent of the child's understanding is to question with a twist.Eg.What are bull, tiger,giraffe and elephant.Or jasmine, rose, daisies- what are these?Mostly the child would go blank.It is important the learns to understand that everything belongs to a class.He should understand the class name.We can classify everything into different class names be it furniture, food, building, direction,etc.It helps to simplify.One may not know a certain object but if I specify the class name it helps to understand to an extent.Eg.a child may not understand dinosaurs , but the moment I say it is an animal and not a flower the search is easier.So it is very important to teach the child class name and to question the child with a twist.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


A very important part of speech development is NARRATION.How do we know the capacity of speech in a child?How do we come to know that a child is able to communicate?How do we judge the child's understanding of spoken language and the perception.
The only way of knowing is through comprehension of narration.As with comprehension comes expression of thoughts i.e. speech.The process involves- listening to everything, registering that , remembering it through language and then be able to narrate it in the language he/ she has acquired ,age appropriate.The comprehension is best checked when it is out of context .Talk to the child about an incident or a subject that is not around or out of the blue.Then see whether s/he is able to even understand what you are talking, give them hints in spoken language and then ask them to speak about it.I have realized that if the incident has been carefully and in detail told to the child, s/he through good detailing learns to visualize it and retains it in the brain.When we ask them to remember it they are able to relate better and even though may not be able to fully narrate it but using their own language are able to make out and narrate it quite accurately.It is a good idea to regularly ask them to narrate a birthday party they went to, a shopping experience or a day in class.Do correct where required and give words and sentences where they falter.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A tribute

Today my teacher Mrs.Hudlikar said that many of her old friends and relatives called her up to tell her about the article in 'Femina'.They said that after reading the article they understood the kind of job she did.......finally after all these years!Last 40 years she has been practicing speech therapy and it is now they understood.I think it came at the right time, A hindi movie called 'Taare zameen pe' meaning 'stars on earth' has just got released.It is about a dyslexic child and the teacher.Having Aamir Khan- a perfectionist doing it , it would be very close to reality.These 2 things together may change a few people's perception about a condition in children.I was so happy to hear that she was happy the way I wrote it , simple language and coming straight from the heart.People called up to say how they liked it and that made me happy.I am sure people who have read it and have hearing impaired kids will connect to it, as it is a national magazine and that too popular one it will reach out.
These days I feel Prisha is a bit lazy and does not want to speak full sentences.I too sometimes loose it and feel a bit too tired doing it for 3 years now.But it is a phase all mom go through with hearing impaired children.They are scared to let go of their speech practice as the kids regress very quickly.I have realised I need to keep pace constantly for her to progress.I too am human and being a mom and seeing the kid struggle to put a full sentence makes me work harder.I really pray for the science to emerge much ahead in stem cell so there would not be any deaf child in the world.Amen to that

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

My brush with stardom

One of the most exciting week was the xmas week.Two big moments- one my little girl got admission in a normal school on her own merit.It was a very emotional moment to think that it was not because of sibling preference she got into school but because they found her capable .I was so ectasic.I got a lot of compliments as well as congrats and I found the last 3 years of struggle paying me back.My lil girl made me proud.I felt it was my big exam result.The interview had gone very well and we had got a lot of aplauding from the school.I was 90 % sure that we would get through but the moment I got the big result on the computer i rubbed my eyes and checked it at least 5 times.I hugged her tight as it was she whoi was giving me that moment of pride.
2nd big thing was we got featured in the magazine called" Femina".We had full 3 pages to ourselves.The pictures came well and everybody has been congratulating me on them and the write up.Some felt touched, some had tears, some happy ,some felt it coming from the heart but everyone appreciated the fact that I wanted to share my story with the world to show how hearing impairment does not stop your life.The way it has been featured is good as the pictures show us so happy with life and the story was so touching.A total contrast.I am thankful to God and my little girl for showing me this day.I cannot thank Him for showing me a way in life that led to Mrs. Alaka Hudlikar who has made it possible for her to talk.Today i feel so much confidance in myself that I had lost over the years after my marriage.She has made it possible to help me believe in myself and to say YES to life.I have become a better person thanks to the 2 women in my life - my girl and my teacher.I pray that every hearing impaired child gets a teacher like her.The year has ended in some very proud moments.