Today I had undergone a very difficult part of child control.What when a child throws a tantrum?Are we not embarrassed, emotionally drained , torn and frustrated?All of us go through it.
Well I had this showdown at Mrs. Alaka Hudlikar's place.Prisha normally is very receptive and ready to talk.But y'day she was sleepy and a bit too tired and for a small reason she decided she wanted my attention in a lecture in the therapy class.I gave her the answers but refused to take my answer and started to cry which later turned into a tantrum.She wanted her way out and I would not bend down to her demands.It disturbed the whole class and ma'am alaka and I decided to not give in.It was very difficult and I had undergone a very traumatic time .Today we discussed it in the class and realised that she wanted to control the whole situation.Children are very clever and easily manipulate the situation and their moms to their advantage.If we give in it affects their emotional growth a lot.By giving in we show the child that with the loud crying she is powerful enough to get what she wants.We have to bend her to our ways and not give in to illogical demands.By giving in we are encouraging wrong behavior and she would never learn the right social behavior.We have to instill the right attitude by being firm.By the end of the day Prisha had come around and apologised for her tantrum.Next tantrum would be easier as she has realised being 4 yrs old that Mom is not going to give in.I have realised the more you give in the bigger the next tantrum.If the child is controlled from the beginning she would not get in to a fit and is more socially accepted.Today she is more easy to handle.I have done it many times that there were times she would cry for no reason and was adamant for an illogical reason.I would send her in a corner and IGNORED the whole tantrum and crying.After a while she would quieten down and the go about her activities or say sorry for the fault.Initial times the crying and the fit would be for 30 mins the 20 mins and soon she realised I would not give in cried for a few secs and then came to terms.The fight for the mastery over the issue stops.There has to be a logical reason and we as parents need to know when and how much to give in.My lesson on this was revisited and learnt and reconfirmed.
Good article,
ReplyDeletePlease advise when and when not to give in. I am sure there can con not be a time when you need to understand what the child wants and give it before he or she starts the tantrum.
- A liberal mother !!
P.S: I have been following your blog all these days. Good work lot of insights for normal parenting as well
Just sharing another view of what works well with me to understand and resolve conflicts with kids as a teacher in Singapore...RELAX !!
ReplyDeleteA qoute below maybe helpful ...
"To discover what my child needed, a deep, yielding receptivity
was vital. The temptation is to become more and more rigid, but
the more you do, the less you understand".
"As a parent, the frustration of not knowing how to fill a need
that cannot be articulated can be overwhelming. Often we direct
the rage that stems from that frustration toward the child, which
serves to distance us even further, making it impossible for the
child to open up to us. To get to this type of receptivity, a
practice of conscious relaxation is a must."
"Those who have children can become masters of patience,
endurance, and steadfastness, because children will test you at
every turn. …The way to make our children patient and loving is to
be that way ourselves."
- Eknath Easwaran