Prisha is all set for the new school yet nothing can really prepare you enough. She was anxious from her dress to where she should first go, to her shoes to her concern about old friends and the list was endless. She did return with anxiety, overwhelming mind, fatigue to emotional drain. She broke down few times. I knew this was coming. Listening fatigue is high as she was trying to listen to everything and with a different atmosphere and accents, it’s really hard. As a mother I too was emotionally drained out trying to have control over my feelings and look strong. Seeing her struggle hurts me and it’s natural but we have to fight it out and play this game of life. She tried hard to stay strong and apologized a lot as she wanted to vent out everything. As parents....we heard and as for me...I just sat trying to keep a straight face. But then I knew tomorrow would be a better day.
Day 2 at FIS went better. This morning she walked forward and I was way behind trying to see how she crosses the streets and hears noises around her. I called her few times from across the street and she could not hear naturally. Anxious mum kept her face very straight and only mothers in situations like these can understand this feeling. Helping your little special child gain confidence and prepare her to fly by herself. In 3 years she would be all by herself and I need to make sure that with all that we have been through in the last few years , her fears are conquered and she stands on her feet. Moves and changes are hard. This is her 6th school in 3 different countries and hence has had to adapt a lot more with every kind of situations, schools, teachers, classmates and infrastructures. This change added more as she was returning to the school after 4 years and was looking for similar faces. Things change and she understands that yet somewhere acceptance is what we all seek and so did she.
This morning we walked to the tram station and she figured out her day ticket. Watching her go away still gives me a pang somewhere. She was on her own. We still don’t have our numbers and hence depend on WiFi. But I trust her to be smart with her hearing and instincts.
At the end of the day she messaged that she was leaving for home and asked me not to come. I was on WiFi and with hotspot she messaged me. It was awesome to know she took the tram, crossed the roads to reach the bus stop and then to the stop near home and walk home by herself. It gave her a lot of confidence in herself specially after the stint in Jakarta where I picked her up each day. It was lovely to hear she was better today. Her anxiety came down as I heard all her concerns. She loved her visual art class, is more calm and has a lesser headache and fatigue. It’s matter of few days....she would get used to listening and teachers will also adapt with her in class. Meanwhile we keep doing what we should....
supporting her with a calm demeanor and a smile stuck on our faces. My girl is ready to face it all.