Why is a mindset still there?

   

 I have been away from blogging for so long now and it feels good to be back typing away and venting out or sharing my thoughts (in better words). A lot has occurred in the past years and I hope to be able to recollect and put them down here. Facebook became my mini blogs that captured the splitting moments rushing by and as I type today I realize I missed my writing. 

   Prisha is in 2nd year university, studying fine arts in the Netherlands. Time has flown and looking back I feel grateful that she is independent and doing a course she loves, slowly making a path for herself. We both were watching a Hindi movie that was recommended by a dear friend. "Shrikanth" is a movie based on the real story of a blind person who made it in life with sheer determination and gave employment to many. He studied at MIT in the US and then started his own company and made it to Forbes. The movie brought back so many memories of the times gone by in my life.

   When Prisha was diagnosed as deaf, life came crashing 20 years ago! I had no information nor resources about how I could bring her up in a noisy world and make her independent. The sleepless nights and restless days were filled with worry and tears. Life gave me a blessing in the form of Alaka Ma and I started training under her. Those days I just remember the TV anchor speaking while the sign language was being used by an anchor on the side. There was a mindset that deaf were mute and can never speak. Under Ma we knew we could make it happen and the training was hard. In one of the many places she would take us to expose us to environment to aid speech therapy, she took us to an exhibition that had wares and art/craft by people with disabilities. Most of the work on display was by deaf people who did not have spoken language. I remember being numb as I walked by looking at things while my mind wondered if my child would also have limited opportunities. Would she be able to study what she wills? Would she travel the world and be able to speak like us? Would she have a career or would there be a limitation to everything she does or wants? Would she also be limited to making bags, candles and artifacts and hope they sell in the market and be under the umbrella of .... made by special needs people? Would she able to survive in the world of "normal" people and make a place of her own? Would she ever compete in the "normal" world with the "normal" people like a "normal' human being or would she always be in a "special" category?

    It's not that selling wares like candles and paper bags is any less of a job. It's a mindset and choice that is given to special needs people instead of giving them a choice that could help them to use their intelligence and capability. A choice of education and accommodation to be able to get higher education and build a career of their dreams. Since good speech therapy along with good hearing aids were not given to the deaf, they did not have access to good spoken language and hence cannot go to normal schools to compete with everyone. No equal opportunity. Hence they ended up doing such jobs and the mindset is the same. I remember Ma gave us a good lecture on this and how that day I was even more determined to work harder and make Prisha independent and help her achieve her dreams. My days and night went by only dedicated to my kids trying to balance the love and passion for the life of both kids. It was tough, lack of support on many fronts but I didn't give myself a chance to fail. Today she is achieving her little milestones and we still have a long way to go. 

   This movie today gave me flashbacks and a part of me just cringed at those memories. A couple of tears left the corner of my eyes and my heart is filled with gratitude. After studying and achieving all that he did, people still didn't think he can do more than paper bags! Why do we have this mindset? Or has it changed? Overseas people are open to disabilities and there is better inclusion. Things have changed over the years and there is more support for special needs, yet the mindset in general still needs to change that everyone can achieve their dreams despite the challenges. Thanks to Alaka Ma, we are on a path that doesn't make her disability a limitation in an opportunity, instead we have used every opportunity to challenge ourselves and make it work to our advantage without any special accommodations. She has competed with others without any major issues. We never used the disability as a crutch instead built on our strengths so that deafness doesn't define her and her achievements. I hope people would support and help those who need such help and it is not seen just left as another movie. It is a real story and I hope people stop judging instead see how they can help them. It is easy to tear up at the end of such movies and clap but we need to take the lessons home and resolve to support them by giving them an opportunity they so deserve. The world would be a better place with more people being independent and contributing with dignity to better the world.

Certificates

Something that we never thought would happen

Her art flourishes after years

      For many certificates earned are a way of life, for few they are expected and earned but for us.....its a milestone each time. Never thought we could come so far. Moving to this school has given a platform for things she never would have learnt. They are encouraging her in places where we thought she never would get a chance. Her learning speech was one of the biggest mission of our lives. But never thought of competitions. We wanted her to pursue art, but we found no place since 2.5 years. She barely touched anything and if she did, it was only coz I would be pushing her into it.Hence these two hold a very special place in our hearts. For many the feeling can not be understood, speech and skills are taken for granted. For us, it was like climbing steep mountains but patience and belief in ourselves kept us on track and today God has given us a direction where she is loving the foundation. Her certificate for speech I held with tears and its perhaps the most treasured one and shall remain so. This art report in 2 months gives me so much happiness. Her previous school had no place for art in the time she was there. Her teacher here encourages her and I am so thrilled to see the approach he has and the gentle nudge but a definite one he gives. I get teary when I see her work progressing and her portfolio has started to show up. She is confident and takes up difficult projects and I am glad the school is supportive. Her head of school had such good things to say for her and I can't be more grateful.
   I know more certificates would come...but these two shall hold a special place in our heart forever. She makes us grateful for all that she is and as her parents every struggle is worth it all.

Difficult 2.5 years

      

My happy satisfied "never give up" teen

     Its been a hard 2.5 years at the school in Jakarta. It was an Indian International school that my husband thought would be good. Hence when we moved from Germany to this school,we thought it would be a good change as we needed Prisha to have a structured approach in studies. The 5 years of IB in Germany had gaps with abstract understanding and we thought text books would be a great support. Hence the choice.

    Well it was a huge mistake and blunder just as I had dreaded. Initially all was going well. Then within a month she was bullied for coming from Germany and being "German".....she tried so hard to fit in but the class teacher and a few students ganged up against her and harrased Prisha the whole year. The teacher was trash and somewhere end of that year, we fought against it and got support. Next year seemed promising and had a good class teacher who was supportive. Yet the students refused to accept her and the struggle continued. I hated to see no support and she eating lunch each day by herself. To keep her company, we decided to be on what's app so that she did not feel alone. The kids can be so hurtful and sadly except a couple of teachers , there was no support. They too after a while were targeted perhaps and they too started to leave Prisha alone. The study preassure was killing my child. I too hurt inside and we both slipped into depression. Difficult place, lack of support, study pressure, traffic situation, language issues and no outings ....just was too much to take. She really fought it bravely and at times she lost control and at times she stood up. As a mum I could only counsel her and see ourselves being isolated and hurting all the time. Talking to her endlessly and trying to see her through was taking a toll on my health as well.

     The 3rd year was garde 8 and I dreaded it as much she did. Fortunately she made friends with a German lady and her daughter and they took her under her wing. Feeding the cats each evening, playing around and talking a lot to each other was the only silver lining in her dark clouds. Veronica and Aleyna brough a lot of beautiful moments in her life that shall be cherished for life. They sadly had to leave and she was left alone again.
    meanwhile at school, he talked of giving up with stress, had pimples all over her face and hormones were raging with anger. At times I found it hard to keep counselling but can I give up? No....what the school should have provided, I was doing that. We were like lone fighters with attack from all sides. Grade 8 saw her more isolated and non of the teachers knew she had hearing issues!!! They left her alone as she seemed quiet and never came up to ask what was her reason to be so isolated and sad. I fought back and yet somewhere I knew its not going to help. THE SCHOOL DOESN"T CARE!!! No counselors, no one who would carry out their promises or help support a child struggling alone......I knew its only going to kill my child and I could not take it anymore. I had taken to writing quotes and poems to vent out my sadness and hurt from all fronts of my life. It helped at times and at times no amount of tears and worry could help. Support from few hands who wiped my tears and heard me out each moment of my sadness holding me through my depression, really was a saving grace.

    Summer of 2017 was a wake up call when Prisha started to talk about giving up on life and value of life. She said she hated life at 13! She said things that made me panic and the whole summer between tears and hugs and under our 4 eyes....we survived many difficult moments. I was paranoid and never left her alone, her questions and statments made me cold, at times I broke into sweat and at times breathless. I even asked for a counselor but our local GP said....you are her best counselor and no one can do what I could, specially in Indonesia. Under all the smiles and happy writing....was a sea of tears and raw and hurtful emotions. My fear of losing my child was killing me. That is when I just knew I needed to do something...but what? 

    It was somwhere in October I knew we are up against a wall and I put my foot down and decided we need to move school. The school had brough her entire confidence down. No amount of drawing, doodling, music lessons, talking and support from friends here was helping us. I feared each day as she returned home with 10 Kg of backpack and tons on her hurt mind and soul. Deafness was forgotten and so were those challenges. The unempathic atmosphere in school, the noise and rashness had affected her health so much that she started to get weak and dizzy most times. Her headaches were so intense that I was afraid she may have a break down, pressure of submissions, etc got her sleepless nights. It lead to low BP and low Haemoglobin and she kept feeling she was going to pass out.  The local GP too saw how much we were suffering and said my decision to move school would be the best idea. It was a huge decision for us. I knew that once we pull out, we would not be admitted back as they would be happy to have a troublesome child out. Her needs to be accepted were too huge for them. They avoided talking to me as they knew I would be complaining or asking for answers. Its sad that such an old school, perhaps one of the oldest here could not take care of one child who just had one need.....be accepted and be supported. Were we asking too much? We asked for no special needs, no special aids....she coped up with all the work....all that she needed was less noise in class, friends and someone to turn to when she needed help. Yet......When I left school, they were pretty happy I guess. No one said I should stay back, nor reasons why I was moving her mid term nor were they concerned. Such an old reputed institution could not support the basic need to be integrated, We asked for no help except less noise and acceptance. That was a bit too much. 

      At this juncture a friend suggested NJIS. An advanced placement school with few kids per classroom and with global teachers. Skeptical and exhausted I decided to take a step into the school and go without expectations. I didn't know that, that one day of a very depressed and helpless mum shall perhaps be life changing. I shall write about it in my next post. It only brings a smile after moist eyes from typing out this post. Emotional, hurtful and tough 2.5 years ended on 25Th Nov'2017.

Update on school front

         Prisha is already into 2 weeks of school,how time flies and the week is over so quickly. She has been giving me regular feedback like a parrot without missing any details from one period to the next. Gives a sense of happiness to see her start the year with happiness.This year,we have done a lot from home,school too is well prepared with all the plans lined up for her and we hope she would move from "modified expectation" this year to grade level performance.
         From what I hear from her, she has been given a lot of "good job", neat work,smilies and "that was fast" etc a lot.It makes me happy but I wanted to hear from the teachers too. I soon heard that Prisha has surprised them a lot and they feel they see a huge steep graph in understanding and learning since the last session at school. It made us very humbly happy.This morning Mrs.K, her special educator, who comes to class everyday for an hour, told me that she was extremely happy with Prisha's write up on the week end news.She said she describes it very very well and she was very happy to see her write neatly too. It gave a lot of satisfaction to me. Prisha has even a 5th grader come and read with her now and then.So am looking forward to a meeting to get an update on what her new teacher has to tell me about Prisha after about a month or so.Till that time, work on her is on.
       She also wants to do more dancing, so ballet is sure as an after school activity,we will try for hip-hop too.And she loves Mr. Owen, her story teller in reading time after school activity,so hopefully that too would be on. We may cut down speech therapy outside school from 1 hr 45 mins a week to one hour as we waste a lot of time in travel. Our efforts are on.

First day of the new academic year

Waiting for the kids to come in

So.....here we go

Love you school mascot !!

Lining up!!

Bye mommy!!

       After 9 weeks of summer break which was full of activity at home....reading, writing, picture reading,blogging and math too, to keep in touch with the academics and avoid any regression like the last year ;schools re-opened today. We rushed up excited and a bit too nervous wondering who the new teacher would be, how Prisha would adjust and what to expect from the school.
      Well , we got into the line,following the flag for her grade and I went up to introduce myself to new teacher. A bit nervous myself, I smiled and she just took over from there.She was the assistant teacher and Mrs. R , after the introductions ,said she was aware of Prisha's needs and she had been given the best place for so that she could hear the teacher well, her special needs educator too was fixed and so she would be coming in to help Prisha. She was absolutely reassuring about the support they would extend to me and that we could be in touch through mails and any problems we faced would be sorted out mutually. The warmth and reassuring voice put me at ease and the whole night of tossing and turning that had led me stiff, completely eased my mind and body. I was so thankful as unlike last year this year the school is fully prepared to handle the situation well. Prisha went in to her class holding her teacher and I came home and relaxed a bit....a bit of me still was worried about her actual day at school.
      In the afternoon , I went in to get her back home, the teacher Mrs. O'B smiled and said all went well and no complaints. Now to my girl...she walked in and I looked at her with motherly concerns.She smiled and said shyly that she had a good day. She said she loved her teacher and that the assistent teacher was the one who helped her at school when she broke her tooth. On the way home she did complain that she had no friends as some just walked away with theirs and her best friend was stolen by another smart cookie.She was very miserable.Apart from that she told me about her day at school was good, she sang out a lovely song for me which was part of a game they played.I was happy she had picked it very well, I just had to correct a couple of words here and there.She is looking forward to going to school tomorrow.I will try and see if Prisha can get her friend to move into her grade as she is in another grade.Rosella and Prisha are both upset. I hope the year moves smoothly and we have a great year of learning which catapults her to another level. Crossing my fingers on that one!!

A moving write up

What a beautiful write - up , a must share.Was moved immensely.Sharing it on my blog too.

http://thelifeunexpected.com/archives/1705