Grade 9 PTM

It’s that time of the year when it’s time for the parent teacher conference. Prisha is always excited about knowing what her teachers have to say. She loves to hear the feedback from her teachers whether it’s positive or negative. She says she learns to be stronger and positive and wants to know where she can improve. All her teachers have given such a positive feedback and say that she had brought so much positivity and energy at school. She works hard, is involved and has so much confidence. It feels good to know that all the hard work, dedication, sweat and tears are going the right way. Still have a long way to go though. Her dances were appreciated as much as her art that finds place in each subject. She loves PE and that blows me away. Her PE teacher tells me often about how he loves her confidence and her attitude to give it her all. Most said they had nothing to give back except good things. It gave me more strength specially when there are days I worry about her future which is normal when you have a child who has had many challenges in her life. She has had many and each time we talk and be positive about it and work forward because is there any other way? Being positive is the way to go! The highlight this time was when her STEM teacher said that in the short time that he knows her he feels she is a wonderful student and has grown in the new subject at school. He is now ready to give her responsibilities as she is ready for leadership roles! Woohooo! Isn’t that wonderful ! We have struggled always with building her confidence and getting her to hear this just made my day! Every moment we work on making her feel strong and confident about her life. To be accepted and given such feedback is so motivating. Her scores made me proud and I feel grateful yet again for having a great mentor in early years who gave us yet another such grateful moment. Her understanding of language at the level now is challenging yet she has scored 75% and up. I can’t be more relived and grateful for this day.

The first Parent teacher conference

   

Class field trip

Today was the first of our parent teacher conference at NJIS. I am not one of those mums who would run after marks/grades as much as I see the efforts that have been put into getting them. I live with that thought in mind that each child has their abilities and they cannot be forced to perform beyond an extent in certain areas. I was pretty excited about seeing how Prisha has done so far knowing that its her new school, new system of education and new subjects. To add to it the teachers come from various countries across the world with different thinking and accents. The 3 month trial and work would help me decide if this school works for her. I have seen her less stressed and is very excited about going to her school. Other than waking up at 5:30 am each morning, her complaints are barely there. Weekends are naturally much awaited but other than that, she seems to be fine at school. I am also able to divert my mind and energy into a bigger cause due to this.
     We started with Art and the teacher was very supportive and said since her grades are all A+, he had nothing to add. He loves her attitude to learn, is settled and is like a sponge, he is happy to have her each day after school. He is planning a field trip to the art market close by and I am so excited about going with him. The PE teacher too had good things to say but yes being inactive in that area for 3 years has got her to lag behind but he thinks she is progressing well. The teacher is supportive and understanding and we are so happy to have him teacher her.
     Meeting the counselor at school was very lovely. She said we had a great child, who is eager to learn, settled well and is liked by everyone in general. She was happy that we support her in many ways and did say I was a different kind of mum , lol. She said in the world of parents seeking only achedemics, she is ahppy to see us supporting her every move. So thankfully we had nothing but good things to talk.
     Meeting her Bahasa teacher was great. Prisha came running in with an exciting exchange of greetings. She beamed as we walked in and appluded us for having a good, artisti and happy child who learnt well and she in fact felt that Prisha's ideas in class for activities etc were great. It helped her a lot as well. She offered us a chance for Prisha to learn an Indonesian dance and perform for Indnesian day as she loved her dance at school! We jumped at it! It was great to see the happiness on her face and we can't wait to see how Prisha would do that!.
     The social science teacher was very happy to have us talk about her. She felt Prisha was good in a team as a good player and added her inputs well. She said her attitude to learning, her concentration and promptness with homework etc really made her an outstanding kid. She felt Prisha was excited about learning new things and is very sincere besides being always chirpy! I rememebered how Prisha was always left out at the old school and we just wished to hear anything good where she was part of a group without issues. Those years we only looked for support and here the teacher said she supported other kids when needed! I just felt at peace coz I know my child well. How sad that they didn't see her this part due to their own incapability.
    Advisory is new to us and when we sat down to talk....he said.....Prisha is going to be a change in the world!! I was stunned and kept listening. He said she is extremly positive and hence is a positive influence on her class. She is inspiring and other kids can learn a lot from her! He added she was an example of sorts and they all can learn a lot from her. He addd that he would love if his daughter could have prisha as her friend!! I was overwhelmed as till now we were hoping she can have friends and here a teacher wanted Prisha to be his daughter's friend. You just start to be grateful. He said she had such qualities and strengths with which she was managing her self and her life and these qualities could be brought out and used on other kids! Her dance and speech were a motivation for other kids as not many kids come forward at this age. So her coming out has opened doors for others as well! She is self motivated and finds ways to cope with life and that's what education is truly all about! She has it in her to do things for her. Despite limitations she has survival skills that are great. He was amazed to hear how profoundly deaf she is and yet she does what she does and he is happy to have Prisha under him. He told Prisha she is lucky to have a mum like me....lol. It just felt so overwhelming and gratifying. He took our blog name and said he would love to share it with his friends. He told us such lovely things and said go ahead and change the world both of you! After facing 2.5 years of the nonsense....this was such a validation of what we believe in!
    English and Maths were wonderful as well and they were very open to helping Prisha in many ways besides the regular class work. Her sincerity and maturity was appreciated and they said they would be happy to record things on phone so she can hear later as well. She needs to be challeneged in Maths as she found she could do more and he was happy to support. English teacher was happy to make extra worksheets as well in areas she needs support.

NJIS got my confidence back!

     Music was one area she was very afraid of. The teacher is very strict and most kids run from that class. Prisha has issues singing and kids often look at her when she does sing. The keyboard hasn't been played yet at school and hence the only thing we could think was negative feedback. As we enetered, she came to greet us and we froze expecting criticism. But what awaited was a big huge grin and a pat on her for her dance performance!! She parised her efforts and said since she performed, others can get inspired now and come to dance on stage as well. being a small school, we find less participation. She loved her costume, her rhythm and the whole show! In fact she went forward and hugged Prisha much to her surprize and I could only grin! How hard we had worked for years for such a thing! We struggled to get anything done in the previous school, her lines were cut, she was discouraged from and Indian dance saying the school prefers western!! Here everyone was waiting to see Bollywood. What came as a really big surprise was... she said she would help Prisha do a trial for singing by closing a ear. She wanted to do trials where her hearing aid would be removed and one ear closed so that she can then hear her own voice and see where Prisha was going herself! I was overwhelmed. Its very heartening to know that our hard work and belief and never say never attitude found belief in her. Her speech on stage and her dance made such an impact on everyone to show how hard working and sincere she is and we are glad its being recognized.
     As the 3 hours conference ended I sat in the car still taking in what transpired at school. The flashback of the past years, the struggles at each school, the frustrations each day of finding our way, the constant efforts made to build a rapport with each teacher despite their own ways, the depressions of dead ends, the bullying, the uncoopertaive world around, the people who jeered and hurt us and endless search for the atmosphere where she is accepted with what she is....finally found all that in NJIS ! They believe in her, they support her and they give her a chance....all things may not yet be perfect yet but after all that we have gone through in various schools, she turned out stronger and has made a personality which is appreciated and we are grateful for all that we have here. What one school can do not just for a child but for an entire family! Each teacher appreciated her and me for giving her the right support. It felt good to be recognized by teachers as a great mum who changed her life and each time I said she is the one who made me! She is mature and very strong and our partnership as mum and daughter has only matured over the years. I still yell, correct, cajole, advise besides stressing her, questioning her, listening, pushing and counseling. My role in her life is still long way to go. But I don't have to work as much. I have made her self motivated, driven and positive with all my firm behavior, never giving in to tantrums in early years.
      Such times I rememeber ma'am Hudlikar saying many times....your deaf child will give you many more moments of joy and happiness than you could ever dream of. Just keep working with them and soon they would bring you joy! All those years are bearing fruits in the school here. We still toil, fret, fume and frustrate but for such moments of joy and happiness its all worth it. Each achievement has much more meaning as they come with many more hours of sweat, tears and heartaches. We have much more to achieve as we embark on the next part of the school year. 

Certificates

Something that we never thought would happen

Her art flourishes after years

      For many certificates earned are a way of life, for few they are expected and earned but for us.....its a milestone each time. Never thought we could come so far. Moving to this school has given a platform for things she never would have learnt. They are encouraging her in places where we thought she never would get a chance. Her learning speech was one of the biggest mission of our lives. But never thought of competitions. We wanted her to pursue art, but we found no place since 2.5 years. She barely touched anything and if she did, it was only coz I would be pushing her into it.Hence these two hold a very special place in our hearts. For many the feeling can not be understood, speech and skills are taken for granted. For us, it was like climbing steep mountains but patience and belief in ourselves kept us on track and today God has given us a direction where she is loving the foundation. Her certificate for speech I held with tears and its perhaps the most treasured one and shall remain so. This art report in 2 months gives me so much happiness. Her previous school had no place for art in the time she was there. Her teacher here encourages her and I am so thrilled to see the approach he has and the gentle nudge but a definite one he gives. I get teary when I see her work progressing and her portfolio has started to show up. She is confident and takes up difficult projects and I am glad the school is supportive. Her head of school had such good things to say for her and I can't be more grateful.
   I know more certificates would come...but these two shall hold a special place in our heart forever. She makes us grateful for all that she is and as her parents every struggle is worth it all.

Difficult 2.5 years

      

My happy satisfied "never give up" teen

     Its been a hard 2.5 years at the school in Jakarta. It was an Indian International school that my husband thought would be good. Hence when we moved from Germany to this school,we thought it would be a good change as we needed Prisha to have a structured approach in studies. The 5 years of IB in Germany had gaps with abstract understanding and we thought text books would be a great support. Hence the choice.

    Well it was a huge mistake and blunder just as I had dreaded. Initially all was going well. Then within a month she was bullied for coming from Germany and being "German".....she tried so hard to fit in but the class teacher and a few students ganged up against her and harrased Prisha the whole year. The teacher was trash and somewhere end of that year, we fought against it and got support. Next year seemed promising and had a good class teacher who was supportive. Yet the students refused to accept her and the struggle continued. I hated to see no support and she eating lunch each day by herself. To keep her company, we decided to be on what's app so that she did not feel alone. The kids can be so hurtful and sadly except a couple of teachers , there was no support. They too after a while were targeted perhaps and they too started to leave Prisha alone. The study preassure was killing my child. I too hurt inside and we both slipped into depression. Difficult place, lack of support, study pressure, traffic situation, language issues and no outings ....just was too much to take. She really fought it bravely and at times she lost control and at times she stood up. As a mum I could only counsel her and see ourselves being isolated and hurting all the time. Talking to her endlessly and trying to see her through was taking a toll on my health as well.

     The 3rd year was garde 8 and I dreaded it as much she did. Fortunately she made friends with a German lady and her daughter and they took her under her wing. Feeding the cats each evening, playing around and talking a lot to each other was the only silver lining in her dark clouds. Veronica and Aleyna brough a lot of beautiful moments in her life that shall be cherished for life. They sadly had to leave and she was left alone again.
    meanwhile at school, he talked of giving up with stress, had pimples all over her face and hormones were raging with anger. At times I found it hard to keep counselling but can I give up? No....what the school should have provided, I was doing that. We were like lone fighters with attack from all sides. Grade 8 saw her more isolated and non of the teachers knew she had hearing issues!!! They left her alone as she seemed quiet and never came up to ask what was her reason to be so isolated and sad. I fought back and yet somewhere I knew its not going to help. THE SCHOOL DOESN"T CARE!!! No counselors, no one who would carry out their promises or help support a child struggling alone......I knew its only going to kill my child and I could not take it anymore. I had taken to writing quotes and poems to vent out my sadness and hurt from all fronts of my life. It helped at times and at times no amount of tears and worry could help. Support from few hands who wiped my tears and heard me out each moment of my sadness holding me through my depression, really was a saving grace.

    Summer of 2017 was a wake up call when Prisha started to talk about giving up on life and value of life. She said she hated life at 13! She said things that made me panic and the whole summer between tears and hugs and under our 4 eyes....we survived many difficult moments. I was paranoid and never left her alone, her questions and statments made me cold, at times I broke into sweat and at times breathless. I even asked for a counselor but our local GP said....you are her best counselor and no one can do what I could, specially in Indonesia. Under all the smiles and happy writing....was a sea of tears and raw and hurtful emotions. My fear of losing my child was killing me. That is when I just knew I needed to do something...but what? 

    It was somwhere in October I knew we are up against a wall and I put my foot down and decided we need to move school. The school had brough her entire confidence down. No amount of drawing, doodling, music lessons, talking and support from friends here was helping us. I feared each day as she returned home with 10 Kg of backpack and tons on her hurt mind and soul. Deafness was forgotten and so were those challenges. The unempathic atmosphere in school, the noise and rashness had affected her health so much that she started to get weak and dizzy most times. Her headaches were so intense that I was afraid she may have a break down, pressure of submissions, etc got her sleepless nights. It lead to low BP and low Haemoglobin and she kept feeling she was going to pass out.  The local GP too saw how much we were suffering and said my decision to move school would be the best idea. It was a huge decision for us. I knew that once we pull out, we would not be admitted back as they would be happy to have a troublesome child out. Her needs to be accepted were too huge for them. They avoided talking to me as they knew I would be complaining or asking for answers. Its sad that such an old school, perhaps one of the oldest here could not take care of one child who just had one need.....be accepted and be supported. Were we asking too much? We asked for no special needs, no special aids....she coped up with all the work....all that she needed was less noise in class, friends and someone to turn to when she needed help. Yet......When I left school, they were pretty happy I guess. No one said I should stay back, nor reasons why I was moving her mid term nor were they concerned. Such an old reputed institution could not support the basic need to be integrated, We asked for no help except less noise and acceptance. That was a bit too much. 

      At this juncture a friend suggested NJIS. An advanced placement school with few kids per classroom and with global teachers. Skeptical and exhausted I decided to take a step into the school and go without expectations. I didn't know that, that one day of a very depressed and helpless mum shall perhaps be life changing. I shall write about it in my next post. It only brings a smile after moist eyes from typing out this post. Emotional, hurtful and tough 2.5 years ended on 25Th Nov'2017.

Girls are beautiful

Sunshine happiness

One of the most profound statement made my Prisha today. She is studying about population in her school. I told her about female infanticide and she was pretty shaken and shocked to hear about it. She said that's really mean thing to do. Why should people do that. We discussed it in the Indian context. She was quiet. I then realized ,she being a thinker and a deep person. would be a bit sad inside. I then told her how it's changing and not everyone does that. I moved on to telling her how I prayed day in and out for years for a little baby girl with curls and dimples. And when she did come in we were rejoicing and so thrilled. She was so touched, went awwwwww and we hugged tight. It just felt so right.

She moved on to study. At the dinner table she again brought up the topic. Suddenly she says.... " hey why should they kill the girls! If girls are not there how would babies be born!! Boys can't give birth and girls are so lovely!! 

Just brought a smile on my face. She is our bright sunshine and blessed to hear her chatter and thoughts. Girls indeed are beautiful and hold a whole life in them. They give life and nurture and show the world what real pure love is all about. Girls make the world beautiful. She makes ours beautiful and complete.

Research on deafness

Awaiting good news since 11 years and counting. Will never stop dreaming that some day science shall give her normal hearing. Here is the latest. The signs of good things to come. Some day the deaf will get good hearing. 

http://www.popsci.com/sea-anemone-proteins-might-help-reverse-hearing-loss

A trip to plan and learn.

Equipped with her phone camera , she is a discoverer. I handed her a camera when she was a year and few months under the guidance of my educationist co sister who explained how early isn't early enough. When explained she learnt to hold the camera steady and frame things to capture. Over the years the camera changed but her love to click, pose, compose and edit did not. She takes very good compositions. 

This holiday this is what we did. Discovering a new place ... Made her read material and find out places to see in Jogja. She listed out things , planned the trip, got a lot of insight into the place before she landed there. Soon she was co-relating it all. Loved the way she framed compositions, angled her camera, took notice of light source... Etc. Her compositions are amazing and I love it when she says stand there mum....don't move, turn a bit, hold it and don't smile!  The comes to show me her piece of art. 

Allow the kids to discover early and take responsibility. They are as careless as you make them think they are. Make them the owners and see the difference. Next trip Prisha has to plan earlier!! 😍😍

Prisha's thoughts on the word "mean"

This morning Prisha tells me something that touches me. I have no answer to it. She says....."why are people mean mum? Why can't we all be nice to each other? I dislike the word mean. I wish this word did not exist ". Made me think how much she has matured in the last few months. The bullying and meanness around has made her stronger yes ,where she is learning to stand up and answer back for herself, yet the pure soul that she possesses still makes her question the right and the wrong.  I am glad she is growing up questioning the ways of life and is trying to find answers. I am happy she is learning that the world will always not be nice. She is seeing that people change, she notices the facades and then she also sees there are a few who melt our hearts and make the world better to live. In a world which isn't easy for normal people , it's important we help them grow independent since for people with disabilities the world is even a tougher place where empathy and understanding is rare. Have these REAL conversations with your child. Coz when the bubble bursts these kids will not be able to face the reality. #hearingloss #impairedbutempowered #deaf #deafness #cochlearimplants #hearingaids #speechtherapy

Awareness talk in IWA Jakarta

Amazing response from the group

An active session

An amazing afternoon spent with IWA ...Indian Women's association group. It was lovely to have a very good attentive audiences who were eager to learn about my journey, hearing impairment, speech therapy and its importance, role of parents and society in helping them to be integrated and how it's possible to lead a normal life where nothing is impossible. The hard work we put in inspired many to come forward and share compliments, their feelings, the vulnerability of few who face this issue and need help and of course lots of good words that humbled me further. All this and more I owe to my guru Mrs. Alaka Hudlikar. She made me the woman of substance as they say and gave a direction and purpose to follow in life. It's always humbling to help someone who is going through those lows of life which you have overcome.  I am blessed to be able to put my one small drop in this ocean. Sharing the moments through YouTube. #agbell

https://youtu.be/ddP8fHUhyG4

I hope this brings little awareness around. 

Deafness doesn't mean you can't dance

Ready to dance

      At the new school she has had to adjust with a whole new set of things. It has not been easy but then we were prepared for the tough walk. How many understand the challenges? They take for granted that she talks and hence its alright, No body realizes how each thing we take up can be challenging. Getting thee means many many hours of practice, confidence building, self doubting and long conversations. Its not easy to understand music specially when its played on a microphone, phone or laptop and you practice in a group in open space. We don't ask for exceptions and try to work harder, push ourselves coz sometimes its easier to do things yourself than to explain to people.
       The school assembly was about our behavior and how you need to be happy. How mental health is related to physical health. I sometimes wonder if the kids are actually listening and understanding it. For Prisha to take part in a dance in a situation where not many kids accept or are friendly to her can be extremely draining on us all. She is at the front end and at times my heart breaks when I see how kids take our journey as casual and not accept who she is as a person. She has built a wall around her and her guards are always up. Hence this dance came as a welcome change at school.
     Hours of afterschool practice and trying, she was bang on. The sync at times went missing coz in a group its hard to coordinate and dance. Mind does get distracted. But what made me really happy was a few friends who messaged or called and said she was one of the most graceful and was quite on the music. Considering it was a group activity with less practice, I am so proud of my little girl who fights odds and stands up each time someone breaks her confidence. We as parents too lose it at times but hoping that we don't give up coz its important for us all.
    Proud to share her video on Youtube  <= click on it.. She is the last from the right from our end. Enjoy and believe that deaf can dance.

New opportunity

An opportunity to share my experience and tips and tricks that make Prisha what she is. Can't wait to start my year with one such opportunity. Meeting kids and parents of the deaf kids who are integrated into a normal school. Most I heard are cochlear implanted. Will Prisha stand up at par with them? Will I have a second opinion about sticking by hearing aids? Will I be able to do justice to my learning from my guru? Will I still hold up my guru Mrs. Alaka Hudlikar's name ahead of all others who learnt AVT? Will I do justice to her work ? Will I stand up there and speak as confidently ? Heart beats but I know it always does and will always but then I push my limits and move from my comfort zone coz only then will I truly say I walk the path my mentor showed me. I know my mentor my ma's blessings will show me the way and I will walk that path come what may. More soon!