New school

 

1st day at school

  Prisha started her new school at NJIS where they follow the Advanced Placement which is the US curriculum. It just happened I feel as earlier while moving to IB school here in Jakarta, we had done enough research to make sure she finishes with IB. But looking at her focus on Art we had got encouraged to move her to this school. A dear friend in India encouraged us as her son is in US and he felt it would help Prisha enjoy what she loves better as she can choose her subjects early in life. A dear friend and my constant support in the US has been hearing my every struggle and we decided that perhaps this is the plan from above.
    Her first day at school had her excited yet very nervous. Starting afresh isn't easy as you have to face a whole new bunch of new faces and adjust with them. Carrying the bagggage of GMIS with us was a lot too. She has learnt to be more cautious about people. Its interesting to note that we both have learnt to read people very well. She reads eyes, faces, body language and is able to say what could be going inside of the person's head. In a way its great and some days I am afraid as she looks at me and I feel she has seen my soul. As a mum I am trying hard to mask my feelings a lot. I can't hurt my kids with my fears and make them weak.
    The teachers were informed about her condition and the kids were prepared for her. She was welcomed warmly in class and for the first time in 2.5 years she was sharing a table with a bunch of kids. They all sat and included her in everything they did. I was waiting for her messages from school yet there were hardly any. Mum's heart palpitates and at the end of the day I went to pick her up. She

With the head of the school

stood there beaming and we drove back home. She was happy and for the first time in a long time I saw no lines of stress on her face. She did find the studies different and having joined mid session it was likely to happen. The first two days went very well and it was a relief to see her happy. New uniform and style of studies was exciting. There were a lot of firsts! She did PE after a long gap, she was doing art too, she was having friends to support.....her first in 2.5 years! She related an incident when she disliked it when she could not hear what a boy said in class to her and she looked up confused and asked him to repeat and he said it was ok and was going to move on. A girl immediately told him to just simply repeat instead of walking away. For the first time someone was standing up for her !!! She was so thrilled. She realized the friendliness in school. The teachers were smiling and cheering always. The kids were inclusive though they had their class mates as friends. Being a small class she did find it difficult initially, she missed the cheer and bounce of classroom she has been used to. But she was happier with less noise and atmosphere of the class. She did feel she had to get used to the new teachers and their accents but she added that a week....and she would get them. I know her well and know how hard she works, so no doubts in mind on that.
    She has 4 days a week after school activity with art, dance and maths. She enjoys being there. The long hours from 7:30 to 4 seem to be just fine. She enjoys her school and is getting used to the slower pace. The teachers are observing her and feel she is smart and very focused. Her English assessment was done in class and she felt she is excellent with her concentration and has the best hearing in class!! Her listening skills are good as she knows she needs to concentrate a lot more than others. She loves studing and does her homework which is well spaced out.
     She was informed in class that there would be speech competition and anyone could participate. She promptly informed me and wanted to do it. I was excited and her teachers were so thrilled. They hugged her and cheered. This just boosted her spirits! What more does a child want? The other day there were earthquakes and she was very nervous. The school was evacuated and being her first time and new school she was nervous and shivering. She informed me later that every teacher was asking her if she was ok and were very caring. As the school was left early and I wasn't aware and would have taken an hour to reach....the head of the school and his wife gave her company through out the hour. This shows the value for human emotions and fears and its all that we parents need.It made us feel secure as well. For her birthday I had baked Onion tarts and all her teachers were so happy and grateful. Their little extra praise and kind words made her feel happy and excited. Is it too much to ask? Is it so difficult? It just made our life so comfortable. Though its a lot of work for me to travel 1.5-2 hours each day to pick her up, seeing her less stressed and happier makes me want to do it. Its tiring but she is happy and makes me happy too. She has less stress, fewer pimples and fewer tummy aches. Life for now seems easier for her and we have to just wait and see how this chnage is, or else its going to be another journey to find a newer place which aids her growth. Few more years and this shall be all behind us. As of now....we are happy we are an NJIS family!

Choosing a new school

Find my ART

  Prisha moving schools has always been more concerning keeping in mind our needs for her. We are not over protective and over bearing parents yet we have certain things that need to be in place. having seen 2.5 years in this school we knew it was time to move on further. We are not new to moving schools. Having had two kids and with a age gap of 7.5 years between them has given us a bigger chance of a couple more.
    A dear friend suggested this new school to me one night as we caught up over a sombre mood. I was pretty low and out and needed some emotional support specially from some one who knows what Jakarta life is all about. At times we parents who have differently abled kids close ourselves and not discuss much with others as we are tired of being judged, being labeled as difficult parents, "always having problems unnecessarily" parents or explaining constantly. Its so much easier to be less hurt that way than being avoided or whispered about. She suggested saying it was a small school with fewer kids in each class and was an Advanced Placement curriculum. It sounded good from what she said but as always the fears were high. Moving school meant moving a home as well plus again the whole circle of explanation and adjustment at school. Every school has its set of issues as well.Yet I planned to go visit it.
    I walked in and spoke to the Vice principal and then was taken around the school. The place looked more like home, smaller set up and carpeted floors and each class had 4-5 students. Two years are combined as well. As I walked confused and a bit lost, I met the Media and film making subject teacher. She was very welcoming and I realized she was German! A bond was created and hearing my story, she had tears and hugged me many times. She felt I should look around be comfortable and only then take the decision. But its not as easy.....isn't it. Every school shows only good stuff to sell itself and you only know about issues once you enter it as a regular. I met the counselor also a German and we talked an hour about us. Decision wasn't easy but knowing well that the old school wasn't even a choice I was open to it. JIS ....another International school and the most expensive and talked about was the other end. My choice were also bound by the fact that my home was under lease till July and hence could not move to the other end of the city as well now. Staying in the old school wasn't at a choice I kept in my mind no matter what. Also after discussing with many people, I realized handling issues in a smaller school was much easier than a large one. Groups in classes of various communities isn't easy to break either. Challenges were so many and it can bog your morale down. Few supportive hands who help you through give you courage to take the already "no other choice" decision. Reconciled with the facts of life and believed in the larger good that perhaps destiny was showing was the only way to go. Too many coincidences in those 3 hours at school which would take 10 minutes to just walk through end to end.
    Meeting the two German teachers, gave me a kind of solace. As I walked to the staff room I met the English teacher who would teacher as well. And .....he had taught in a deaf school and was into speech therapy !!! That gave me a pep up to my confused spirits. I decided to also move to the art room as a preference as Prisha had lost precious 2.5 years of art and we missed it too much. The teacher was from the US and showed me his work. It just made me feel so good to see what she could be learning and how much she would love it. He was inspiring and very encouraging. I showed him her art work which we kept alive at home in the little time to keep ourselves afloat from the deep stress we had been into. He was impressed and said the kind of work we are doing is what his aim is to teach his kids. The techniques and stuff we did ....she was at an advanced level of art! It warmed my heart and I thought of Joni....our most inspiring teacher at FIS, Germany. No one could possibly replace her and yet this was a good option.

Sharing space with the school Heads

    I came back home positive and yet confused. Spoke to Prisha and my husband and we decided to go and see the school as family again. We researched about the AP system and stopped over thinking. Millions have gone through various curriculums and we have to have faith in ourselves and above all our child. My son in Nederlands worries about us yet suddenly I realize he is like one of the adults and we 3 should focus on Prisha now. It is a very difficult and nerve wreaking experience. International communities aren't easy to work with. I realize though that the West is very open towards disabilties and it would be right for her to be where she isn't judged and isolated. The western world would embrace her much better. Having move 3 countries, 5 schools and 3rd international school in her life span of 13 years was quite overwhelming already. She already had been through a lot. 4th International school, different curriculum...hmmm....had to think of her emotional state. I feel I have turned into a good face reader and a psychologist. I can read body language and its easy for me to read people and know how they would react or what is in their mind very well.....thanks to being an observer all my life being a quiet person in early years and being such a hands on person as well. Last few years having counseled so many mums and kids besides my own has made me non judgmental, resilient and sensitive to hurt of others. How could I not think of my own? Yet I also know at the moment the decision we take may look different down the years and I should not kill myself for it. Prisha is a survivor and a fighter with great spirit. The bond I have with my kids give me immense strength as they know their mum shall always place their needs over hers. She has never ever blamed or been upset with how ever I treated her for her growth. I have sat with them and given them reasons for my actions and hence could take this forward with more confidence.
    We met the school head and what I thought was nice was ...."why make it harder".....she had it hard all her life and she needed some respite. We met a few subject teachers and my husband saw the technical parts of it all. The books, study material etc which goes above my head. As we were convinced and were walking back I chanced upon a bunch of 9,10 graders....I ran to quickly meet them. They are the best to tell us! When I named our old school they pulled one young boy out who had moved from the very school she was in. He stammered and hence the kids bullied him a lot there as well. He had low self esteem and after moving here , he had improved in just 3 months. His grades got better,he got better at speech, English improved and stammering reduced. After our interactions we decided we should give it a go ahead.
       Prisha was nervous, naturally so.....and so were we but with the choices we had and support from few experiences of friends we decided to let her take trial classes. She went in two days and really loved it. Kids were friendly, supportive and repeated when she asked for help. There were 7 students in all and teachers were helpful and she loved their openness. Of course she would take time to be less fearful which she acquired from her old school , we knew. But the fact she returned happy and relaxed talking good things was good. She was confused and was hanging between a known and an unknown devil. I asked her to list 5 good and 5 not so good about both schools. To her old school she just said she had one good thing....her English teacher Ms. Shalja who had warmed up to her this year. The choice was easy then. We decided to go ahead with our decision. I was ready to do the hand holding and be the counselor on call 24*7 as always for her and help in smooth transition. Having mentored kids in International school of Duesseldorf and support them through transitioning helped me understand the stress they go through in moving countries and schools. And she has moved many , this being her 4th in 7 years!
    Being a mum can make you an expert in many professions in one anyways and if you are a sensitive mum and have a special need child....you end up having an edge. Having seen a big picture in the moves last few years has made me a more empathetic person towards parents with special needs kids. Meeting people from international communities, interacting, teaching and also giving my many talks into international forums changes your entire perspective of life. The 1 year of substitute teaching experience in International school in Germany has given me insights which I think no book would have taught me. Life is the best teacher and the journey is the best book possible. I have learnt to be patient, resilient, non judgmental and learnt to give space to others and myself. Work hard and give your best is what I do and teach my kids as well. Hence decided to move her to the new school NJIS as it is called, a part of JIS in the past and school around for 25 years.....North Jakarta Intercultural school ! Here we come. Lets see what you have for us!

Lessons Prisha learnt

   

The lessons of life learnt together

Nothing in life comes and just leaves. It gives us experiences and lessons to learn from. Its up to us to just choose to go through them and let go or learn, imbibe and make changes accordingly in ourselves and move forward. These experiences are like blueprints to turn to when we are faced with similar or contrasting situations. 2.5 years at this school also were like that. Most important lessons of life learnt. Some scarred us for life and few just showed us our resilience, will power to fight just not the disability we faced but also the strength we had in us face not just as a family but also to see how Prisha changes with these difficult situations.
     It was an experience not just year or month wise but weekly, daily, hourly and at times every minute coz anything could happen anytime and it would just freak my life out. I was holding my phone like my baby while she was away at school. The phone was my only connection to her as she lived through a very hostile, isolating and negative atmosphere. The sounds of the messages gave me creeps and if they dropped faster, I would panic and run to check my messages. I have chatted her out of situations and complications and just kept going and hoping things would some day would be ok. But we learnt to be in touch and be available to her all the time. My talks, outings etc were all dependent on her. I went nowhere unless I was sure it was ok. It limited us as a family, got us insecure, frustrated, angry, isolated and we trusted no one. We questioned everyone around us and of course we needed help emotionally, psychologically and physically.
     Having said that, Prisha grew a lot in the time. She became extremely resilient and could read people and their actions. She knew what was going on in their heads. Her natural instincts were stronger, she became silent and needed fewer friends. She stopped trusting everyone and seemed to look beyond what they said. She knew that most people may seem sweet on the face but they were pretty nasty behind. She learnt that the world isn't the easiest place to be in and we need to be emotionally stronger to deal with bullies of all kinds. The adults are no less than kids when it comes to bullying. Few teachers smiled yet they hid an agenda at times. They said something yet meant and did something else. Hence when few were genuinely nice, she took times to break her barrier and once she did, she did exceedingly well in the subject. We knew her marks were directly proportional to the treatment she received at school.

     Prisha also learnt to reply back if needed be, though she just can't be rude. Yet she was learning and we felt that before she got any more negative and scarred, we move her out from the environment. I admire her resilience and will power which I never saw before. She became stronger and worked much harder. She fought her headaches caused by a noisy class and uncaring behaviour of students and teachers. She became a better planner with her school work as she did everything on her own. She wanted to prove to herself and everyone that she is as normal as anyone. She felt responsible for everything around her and managed despite odds. She faced dislike and hateful looks by people by herself and came home a little broken yet got back on her feet next day again. Her spirit was unbreakable. People don't understand that they are not breaking her but showing who they truly are. No one could take away her spirit instead they only strengthened her belief in herself and become even stronger. She became more empathetic and caring and stood for a couple of people who were shy or had issues with self esteem. Till date she is in touch with them and she tries to be as caring as she can be. She managed her 2.5 years with dignity and self respect. People who tried to pull her down have no idea how thankful we are to them as they showed us what a beautiful human being we have with us. She cares for the disadvantaged much more, she is loving and caring more than ever. She would write on her little white board her messages to pep herself each day. The insight she got from this time made her write deep thoughts that cropped in her head. She started to bring those out creatively by making posts like I do with photos that she clicked and edited. Isn't that a sign of a positive person? Despite being through hell and back, she found ways to inspire herself and we supported her through it. We understood her more and she knew her family would hold her when she fell. Through the teary and angry outbursts, she learnt also that its ok to be angry and let out steam but what is important is to move forward and learn lessons given by them. She learnt also that everyone has problems and no one has a perfect life, specially when she heard about other disadvantaged people. She says she has to work harder than everyone else but its so because she has the ability and strength to do it.

    We turned to music and art to calm her hurt soul. Found a teacher to help her learn the keyboard and I helped her to learn doodling and sketching. In school when no one talked to her or she was bored , she sat with her little diary to doodle and she came up with beautiful pieces. She found another talent in herself.She also learnt to play with clay given at school. While others played around, she messaged me to get guidance and we came up with ideas. She brought them home and we worked on them and she has beautiful hand posture sculptures. She grew positive despite negative environment, though she had questions and anger to which I had fewer answers. I wondered what the kids are being taught at home that they can be so mean to a child who is facing odds in life and has to fight odds handed over by them as well. I wonder why we don't teach our kids inclusion, empathy and tolerance. Why are kids envious and jealous? Why are adults having low tolerance and seem less empathetic? Why are they losing control and unable to teach the students the basics of human behaviour and compassion? Why are they unable to bring bullying down and instead defend bullies? Why are they unable to look into my eyes and answer the questions I have? Why do they have excuses when I want to meet them or need help? I have learnt that if you are strong, people would interpret it wrongly as they are unable to or are uncomfortable with the situation and prefer to escape. Most parents of bullies know their kids are being wrong yet they cry sob stories instead. Sooner or later it does come to light as few scared and kind souls will come and tell the truth and are afraid to say in the open for fear of bullies.
    As we have moved forward, we are happy we have a child who despite being disadvantaged by nature has been given other strengths which make us proud parents. We knew we were taking her away with head held high up as few still keep in touch to say what an amazing child she has been and how brave she was. In the big bad world after all, we have a mixed bag of people and few wrong people can definitely bring you down momentarily yet they help you grow as better human beings. Big lessons learnt and I think these 2.5 years shall be in memory forever of how one has the power inside to fight a whole mean world. It made us stronger, better and grateful people.