Monday, April 7, 2008

Letting go

Last whole week has been very trying for me, particularly the last few days as Prisha has started a proper school from today.I have been a lot nervous and looking at her excitement about going in the bus made me happy as for now.The whole night I could barely get sleep and in the bits of naps I dreamt of her going to school and those long 6 hours she will be away.I had lumps in my throat , churning in my heart and tears in my eyes all of y'day.Does it happen to all the moms or it is more with this special child with who I have spent every moment together in the last 4 years.I understand every thing before she speaks.Will she be able to communicate well?Will my hard work pay off?I have dreams for her to be able to lead a fulfilling and happy life and I am working towards it.Why is motherhood so difficult?I had difficulty letting go my older normal son but letting go off Prisha is tougher .Being hearing impaired I have spent more time and energy and emotions on her, so maybe it is more emotionally draining.It was like opening the cage to let my little bird take her 1st flight of freedom.No more protection, only her own personality and her communication skills will see her through.I have given a list of instructions and a very motivating letter to the teacher. I hope she cooperates and helps my Prisha to be confident and lively child that she is.Are all other moms with special need children going through the same thing?Today I was lonely and no one to share my thoughts with after I sent her off in the bus, as my husband too has shifted to Austria for a growth in his career.She was running to go off in the bus and when I told her "i will miss you" she said " don't worry I'll come back.".After leaving her , entering the quiet and dead house was so depressing.Ther were things all around which remind me of her liveliness.She drew an insect that she saw on a plant in our balcony and I kissed it.I hope I am able to cope with this phase of my life.

1 comment:

  1. I think it happens to all moms. We just have other things to worry about in addition to what moms of non-special needs children tend to worry about. We worry about, will they know when she's not hearing well? will they call me if her equipment isn't working? will the other kids be nice to her? will they keep it quiet in there? and the list continues. Everything will be fine, and if not...I know mom will make sure that the problems are fixed!