Thursday, October 18, 2007

stages of mothers' mental state

I have realized over these 2 years that when one detects a child with impairment not only in deafness but also in any form of disability, the mother goes through very typical stages.I too have gone through it and see all the mothers go through it, as it is the mom who has actually gone through the pains of giving birth and is closest to the child.She spends the maximum time with them.
1. The moment one realizes the deformity or the disabilty, the first reaction is of shock.It takes a long while to realize it is actually happening.There is a lot of crying and trying to realize the reality.
2. The mom starts to get into a denial mode where she refuses to believe it is actually true.She fails to accept that the apple of her eye is having a problem.
3.Self blame follows where she feels she did something wrong, or she did not pray enough , or that she was not careful enough or all sorts of reasons where she blames herself.'Why me' is another very comman question she asks herself.
4.Jealousy is another very big part.One starts to envy anybody who is normal.You start to detest the world.One isolates from everything around and is only into self pity.
5.There are many moms who have contemplated suicide after wanting to kill the child.Basically wanting to escape the situation.
6.Many blame the child as it has got her into the situation and do neglect the child.
7.There is alot of unrest on the homefront too.The father too has his mental state to look after.
8.Financial situation also plays a big part in this whole situation.With cost of living going up any disability does bring with it a bit of financial drain.Doctors have to be consulted, tests have to be performed,remedial action is to be taken.All this and more does take a toll on parents' mental condition.sometimes families do break up in such tough times.
These according to me are more comman.There could be more and will keep posting as they come up.In such times it is very important that the family is together.A lot of support from near and dear ones can help the family to cope with it and give a good future to the child.When families break up it is the child who suffers more and I feel as a mom, it our duty that since we get the child in this world ,we owe him the best possible treatment.Do not be ashamed of the child .It is no one's fault.The child should be looked after so that he does not suffer from the 2 disabilities- one he is born with and the other that we give by not supporting him\her.


  1. Dear ArJee
    By sharing your authentic experience, your blog is sure to touch, strengthen and empower others to raise questions, seek more informed choices for
    supporting children with hearing impairment.
    In my own experience working with young children in Singapore I believe drawing, painting, music, dance(and use of all languages) are experiences and explorations of life, of the senses, and of meanings.
    They produce communication with oneself, with things and with others.
    I sense from your blogs,Alka teacher also focuses on learning language in context of experience and meaning.This makes a lot of sense based on research.
    In pedagogical term is called whole language approach (opposite of Flash cards)

    That's why the approach of speech therapist can be the most critical component to develop your little daughter's language competencies.
    A child in hands of a teacher that you describe, can break lot of myths about the capabilities, competencies,creativity and confidence of hearing impaired children.
    And like you said you perceive no difference in your two children's abilities to learn,
    make meaning and construct knowledge and experience joy in learning and knowing.
    I am an educator and I am happy to see a mother's unfailing determination and great efforts
    to raise urgent awareness based on your first had experiences.

    I would like to share with you some more ways in which you could co construct creative experiences with your lovely daughter for enhancing language and commnunication skills.

    God bless you !